that perfect hand…

In Ocean's 11, Danny said that "the house always wins. If you play long enough, never change the stakes, then the house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet big… and then, you take the house." Here's the hand I've been dealt, sometimes it's risky and sometimes it's safe, but all the time… it's perfect. It's mine.

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for the love of rutherfords

Life is messy. We get concerned, confused, worried, fearful, overwhelmed, hesitant, and discouraged over something… before it even takes place simply because we just know it is not going to happen the way we imagine it will; that even the best case scenario will undoubtedly be messy, not wrapped in a perfectly wrapped package with a bow.

But then I moved in with the Rutherfords.

I was apprehensive and scared to do this — not because of them, but because I was afraid that the special friendships we had began in my first year in Victoria might be jeaopardized by living with them in my second. (We all have living experiences that go awry and I didn’t want to sacrifice these relationships on account of a bedroom and a washer and dryer!) I wasn’t pessimistic, I just was slightly afraid. So as excited as I was to move in with them, I opted to have zero expectations and see where the year took me.

And I can honestly say that it far exeeded any expectations I may have thought and I was genuinely shocked (and still am) about how much of a wonderfully awesome fulfilling fantastic special hilarious inspired oh-so-close-to-perfect time it was living with them! Maybe it was all of the jokes with Logan or the thoughtful discussions with Connor or playing witness to many-a-milestone in Miss Makenna’s life (particularly her melt your heart giggle). And talks around the dinner table, hearing about Scott’s days in the classroom and his wisdom and humour and speedy “landlord-ness” to my lightbulb and cable needs. And having a friend in Ky — conversations, dieting attempts, mid-afternoon latte’s, and gentle concern and care for my life and my heart while attending to everyone else’s in the house and around her as well.

Some particular highlights:

-An S and K date night consists of going to Wal-mart and getting sweet deals! Awesome!
-“Pow wow” club meetings in my room were when Logan and Connor came in to have a talk about “stuff”.
-Just havin’ a “chill out” meant you could find Connor, Makenna, and I huddled under my duvet while we waited for the “storm” to pass (my bed being the ship!).
-Saturday morning breakfasts reminded me of Sunday mornings with my very own family.
-My car being broken into and stolen did little to hinder my choice of living situation (although it did make me question the safety of the neighbourhood!)
-Reading week and having more time to just spend with them and cook for them
-Connor musing “I wonder what John and Kate are up to tonight?”
-Makenna walking
-Logan reading and how excited he got to tell jokes, especially to Luke, or talk about the Vancouver Grizzlies, even when Darcy’s team (Powell River) could’ve used a new fan!
-My last day — taking Logan to UVic and the awesome conversations along the way (and the sweet time in the moments before I left with the other three)

But more importantly, that feeling of home — of coming home to 5 people genuinely happy to see me, curious about my day and life, and who radiate with the kindness and compassion and endurance and respect of the unconditional love that is family. And I am so blessed by the time and acceptance of me into yours, I loved being a constant part of your lives! You all mean the absolute world to me and I am forever grateful for all of the moments that made this year the best one yet, particularly that it started and ended with you.

I thank my God in all of my remembrance of you… for it is right for me to feel this way, since I hold you in my heart.

And thank you for the beautiful surprise that being there was — it was way better than I ever imagined it could be… the package wrapped and bowed in the utmost perfect care, making it way to hard to believe that it’s already over.

PS I miss you!

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better luck next time

I think I am going to put in for a trade. We lost last night and Coach S sat the “power line” halfway through the game.  Idon’t exactly know what he was trying to achieve, but long story short, instead of hitting any homeruns after 4 innings, I was sitting on my cold rear-end making new friends and eating chocolate truffles.

Needless to say, Colwood 2 had a humbling experience last night. I didn’t realize just HOW humbling until I was informed that last year this team went undefeated. I guess all good things must come to an end eventually, because We. Got. Creamed. Last night. Unfortch. Scott also got hurt. You can’t really tell from the picture but on the left side of his knee cap there is a black welt where the dude from Glad Tidings (the other G.T. team) smoked a line drive right into his knee. It looked really bad, especially when Scott fell to the ground in agony.

There was a hush that fell over the crowd and the game ended as everyone held their breath as our valiant coach laid on the ground. We didn’t even get to play our open inning and try to gain all those runs back (we were down by about 21 runs sadly).

What I thought was cool is Scott obviously is a big deal: the game ended on account of him. We are blessed in having such a fantastic coach who exercises literally ‘taking it for the team‘.

In other news, I think that we lost because A: I didn’t play the 2nd half of the game and B: Jord left his hiking boots at home. He did get a new tattoo, though.


(I just realized from this pic you really can’t tell — trust me, it was brutal. I wouldn’t blog about it if it wasn’t)


*take me out to the balllllllllllll game*

Scott, I really think, didn’t know what hit him.

I am the best fastball player in Smithers girls’ ball history. The “Stamco Superstars” and the “BV Credit Union PLAYEZ” named me to the “power line” as a first baseman or pitcher 7 years running.

(doesn’t sound like me? well, consider this my one moment of lacking-humility… however exaggerated it may be… the one thing I know I am good at is fastball)

Anyways. After a 4 year hiatus, I was recruited from the “minors” (the couch) to play full on, no-jokes-about-it, h-core, serious……church league slo-pitch.

And it was awesome.

Last night we played our first game, I brought my childhood BFF and former teammate, Suzanne, with me for the event. After psychologically submitting myself, albeit not very happily, to the fact that Scott would be our coach, I grabbed my glove and took to the field.

Unfortch. all my gear is at home — so as h-core as I am, I felt underdressed for the occasion. Fortch. for me, so did the rest of our team. Have you ever seen the movie Little Giants? Google it, get the jest of it, and that’s what our team looked like… right down to Jordi’s army shorts and hiking boots.

Looks can be deceiving, my friends. We rocked it.

A double play later (by Jord and myself), some stellar stretch-to-catch moves by Suzanne, awesome hits by the team in general, being nailed in the foot by Scott, and being yelled at by our pitcher (he’s truly h-core), and Coach Scott yelling “RE-ALIGN…RE-ALIGN” every time the other team (the young adults from Glad Tidings Pentecostal — who were dressed more professionally than we were) had a left hand batter, and the emotional-effect of “dimming lights” (the sun went down)… we WON.

And I would just like to say, it’s all because I was recruited. I carried the team. My arm and back are killing me.

I seriously think ball is the most social and fun thing going. Although, slo-pitch doesn’t hold a candle to fastball (sorry), once I got over “waiting” for the ball to come to me when I was at bat, it rocked my socks off. I think I will bring my B+ game instead of my A++ game next week… just because I don’t believe in outshining my team mates, particularly the coach and his brother in law. Although Jord and I surprisingly made a good team.

I define h-core.

(This is a fabrication. Although, it was awesome awesome awesome. And I played well to boot. Even though Coach S injured me twice but I won’t embellish.)



You know when something gets ‘played out’ and you don’t want to do it, listen to it, play it, eat it, drive it, read it, study it, make it, bathe with it, etc etc for a long time?


That’s Killer Bunnies. I was over it. At Christmas we played a fair bit but I was starting to feel like ‘enough is enough’ after apprx. a year of playing it, it was feeling like it was the only game that exists. And there is nothing worse than a habitual thing that you get challenged on: after playing for a long time, two people decide that I’ve taught them wrong (Scott;Trav)…and read the directions…and it’s true, I had been playing it wrong for a long time. So I was over it. I hate habits (except for working out and my morning routine) so I didn’t want to play again for awhile. The last time I played I think was some Sunday in early January when Luke and I were baking and I taught him and Dan how to play. It sucked. I hated the whole experience. I hated that I lost to Luke. And I hated that they just didn’t get what the pink rectangles on the left hand side meant. I was enraged. So I quit playing.

Last night however, apprx. 2 months since that fateful day, Suzanne came over and since she overexerted herself playing squash and her body was in dire stress (we had planned to go play a pick up game of slo-pitch), she came over in anticipation of potentially playing Killer Bunnies. Puh-leeze. [I wanted to lie and say I gave up KB for Lent but I refrained]. I hummed, hawed, and scoffed before peeling myself off my bed and said ‘fine‘ in a really obnoxious voice — which was well rehearsed in the anticipation that someone soon would want to play.

We decided to get Luke over here, since Prison Break is over for the season and we haven’t had our weekly dosage of Prison Break or each other’s company, he was all too happy to oblige. We set up the game, had a bowl of mom’s dried apples, mini eggs, Enrique Iglesias’ (no joke) cd playing in the background, and a couple bottles of Luke’s home-brew and went to work.

Word from the wise: Give up your hated habit for a time and you will come back to be energized. I have never played such awesome [two games] of Killer Bunnies. No offense to the Zunics or Hagens or anyone else I played with regularly…it’s just the truth (which hurts sometimes). Luke is cunning and ruthless, with a poker face that makes you believe that he’s a kind soul. Suzanne is too concerned with making sure her ‘cute little guys’ stay alive that she believes the strategy is being kind to others. I just play to win. And it was awesome. I felt alive. I wish I was exaggerating. But it was funny and exhilarating… and it was such a solid representation that I did not rage blackout when Luke won both games. I threatened to curb stomp him — and other pseudo-action movie style moves — but I refrained in grace. Honestly, it was like Survivor. I totally thought with the footsie-ing and sly looks that Luke and I had an alliance going but in the blink of an eye, all my bunnies were dead and I had one carrot to my name. Brilliant. I deserved it for my severe lack of wanting to play.

KB is NOT the new PB (Prison Break — if I’ve lost you): Michael Scofield and Lincoln Burrows are far more exciting to watch than the Cyber Bunny trump Suzanne’s entire bunny family locked in by barriers, though that is a close contest… but this long winded story is to say: brush off your Yahtzee, sharpen your pool cue, oil your Botchee balls, and get back in the game. 

I am refreshed and ready to kill you [r bunnies].



lenten update/feeling my age

So it’s day 17 since I gave up coffee and took up minding my own business. It’s been successful thus far. I believe I had three cups of coffee at Mark and Jes’ home (as per my contingency) and haven’t had a drop since or before. Not bad considering I am a feign. As for the take up resolve, it’s been pretty easy considering I’ve locked myself in my room for homework purposes and have been very selective on who I hang out with during this 40 day stint. Just kidding. I think next year I am going to give up chocolate almonds (apparently I love those) and I am going to take up not assuming things. I like to say it’s not my fault, but when I observe someone from afar or expect certain things to happen, it’s in my second nature to assume things, unintentionally often the worst things. But I will have to chew on that for awhile, I am actively trying to understand that even though my best friend is the most beautiful girl from my home town or that I don’t have a figure like Hilary Swank, that I am worth attention and love too right? So before I start formulating my next Lent resolution, I think I actively need to understand that I rock for my own reasons.

(I just realized that is the most un-connected paragraph ever…)

Now for my age. Lately I like to call things I do, that are out of the ordinary, coming of age moments. I truly believe that as I begin to make the merger from student to educated adult, that it’s ok to commemorate “older” things…and there is no reason I can’t start now. For example, last year I popped a tired on the way to Camrose and didn’t even call me dad in a panic. I bought a Real Simple magazine the other day, convincing myself that just because I am not a homeowner and married, I still like simple ideas for things and recipes. I drove from Penticton to Calgary, back from Smithers to Penticton, to Drumheller and Camrose from home, all by myself at certain points in recent years. I finally got my full license. I bring homemade French Crescent rolls to a “party” for a friend where they are too intoxicated to appreciate it. All of these, I consider, are coming of age moments. I tend to embrace these… and rarely do I feel anymore that I am “too young” for things, until the other night.

I went to my first Tupperware party. Ever. The lady was so passionate for her cause, explaining and literally caressing the Tupperware that she brought to the party to show off. So passionate that I spent the entire time telling myself to get psyched up over the product because that’s clearly what I shouldve been doing, along with the lady who was showing it. But I couldn’t. Iwanted so badly to buy something (very expensive) just to embrace yet anoter age milestone I’ve met, but I didn’t. Instead, I felt too young to be there for the most part! Not that the people there were old, mind you. Maybe it’s because I thought my own Mom should’ve been there. Maybe it’s because I didn’t realize that recycled sour cream containers aren’t good enough for leftovers. Maybe it’s because I went to a Mary Kay party the night before (they operate on the same principle: sell, sell, sell). But I really just kept kicking myself to grow up because I didn’t want to admit…yet…that Tupperware excites me.