that perfect hand…

In Ocean's 11, Danny said that "the house always wins. If you play long enough, never change the stakes, then the house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet big… and then, you take the house." Here's the hand I've been dealt, sometimes it's risky and sometimes it's safe, but all the time… it's perfect. It's mine.


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resolving to…

Here’s my list of resolutions, in no such order:

1. win iron chef 2010
2. listen more; talk less
3. run, run, run
4. spend more time alone; learn to enjoy the quiet
5. relax more; organize less
6. make some decisions about my future
7. eat more raw; eat less wheat
8. start saving for some trips i’m dreaming of
9. learn to understand grace
10. give myself a pedicure without cutting off my entire heel (like i did on sunday)

Luke’s resolutions, in no such order:

1. get in shape
2. use the word “chesterfield” instead of “couch” from now on and wherever it fits

We’re aspiring big this year. Look out.


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dead pan delivery

Sometimes, I am my biggest fan. I have resigned to the fact that I can be pretty witty. In fact, I think it’s one of my greatest qualities (I am not trying to sound incredibly un-humble, I am just trying to set this up for people who don’t know me). ANYWAY.

Here is the the most hilarious example of my quick-wit from the recent weeks. Today, at 8:30 in the morning, I was sitting in my Adolescent Psyc class when my professor (the other wittiest person I know) starting going on about divorce and its effects on young adults. She posed a bunch of facts and stats to us before asking us a question:

Do you know what Canadian province has the highest divorce rate per capita?

[no idea. it’s 8 stinkin’ 30 in the morning. and we’re still in class. unlike the rest of university students.]

Quebec. Any correlative ideas why that might be?

And, yours truly (myself), without giving it a thought or raising my hand or even thinking about anything at all yelled out with a straight face:

BECAUSE THEY ARE SEPARATISTS!

2 points – Kate

0 – Professor Cindy

– 830 – my classmates

It was a good day.


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breyers

Hi Trav, Chrissy, and Luke:

I did some re-con work at the store… and followed up with some google slash wikipedia-ing. There ya go. Bring on the inexpensive real ice cream!

Although promoting itself as a ‘natural ice cream’ in the past; like some of their competitors, many Breyers flavors have recently been reformulated with cheaper nontraditional ingredients. These changes include the addition of tara gum and replacement of real cream with skim milk. As these products now consist mainly of milk and skim milk rather than milk and cream they can no longer legally be called ‘ice cream’ and are instead labeled as ‘frozen dairy dessert’.

For example: All Natural- Uses all-natural ingredients derived from natural sources, however, not as natural as they used to be (for example, ‘Chocolate Flavored Chips’ and the addition of Tara Gum as a stabilizer to promote a creaminess for cost-cutting measures).

You’re welcome,

Kate


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stocking up

Perks of home — spending two weeks back in Penticton made it the perfect time to pick up the “necessities” that I deem crucial to my quality of life:

Cherry Hill COFFEE

Cherry Hill COFFEE

This is not crucial but it is delicious:

Naramata Nut Brown

Naramata Nut Brown

Along with the salsa mom and I made, I also loaded up on her homemade apple chips which I can’t post a picture because I ate them already.

On a sidenote digression, a number of years ago I had a little Christmas baking day where my dear friend Leanne brought me a Christmas cactus (who since has gone by “Curtis the Cactus”). Leanne told me that these plants are supposed to bloom at Christmastime and some times Eastertime so every year I have waited for flowers off of Curtis to no avail. When I moved to Victoria, I consulted my personal plant expert Chrissy on how to essentially force Curtis to grow and bloom. Even though she gave me stellar advice (some of which I still haven’t taken), my dang Cactus remained flowerless that Christmas and Easter and subsequently the Christmas and Easter the next year.

I left Curtis with my ma when I came back to Victoria this fall under strict instructions to baby the little guy. I wondered if maybe the climates of stagnant, frozen, bitter Calgary or wet, humid, mild Victoria were hindering the little guys’ progression. Then, lo and behold, I went home at Thanksgiving and this is what I saw:

DSC01019

DSC01023

DSC01022

DSC01024

Moral of my story? Two things: Curtis is not a feminine-enough name for all that pink. Second, my mom is a rockstar.

Cheers!


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delicious

So one of my most favourite people had a¬†presentation to do for work. It was a pretty big deal, actually the BIGGEST deal, so I wanted to make him some treats to fire him up for it. Unfortunately, photographs were the only way I could get these to him on time so it was the best I could do. I’d like to believe that it was the ‘thought that counts’ but I think it was a painful, terrible tease. ūüôā I ended up bringing them all to work, which was a total hit. It was the VERY first time I’ve ever made PASTRY and I was thoroughly happy with how it turned out!! Anyways, I thought I would extend these to you. Along with a humble invitation for coffee with me, I am always looking for a good chat and equal parts laughter. What do you think? Invitation worthy of acceptance? Hope so.
a variation of an apple danish bar... with bluberries and peaches!

a variation of an apple danish bar... with blueberries and peaches!

 

Beauty!

Beauty!

 

It was both flaky AND delicious....success!

It was both flaky AND delicious....success!

 

the public works crew's fav... even earned me a kiss. SCANDAL!

the public works crew's fav... even earned me a kiss. SCANDAL!

I think I've finally sorted it out and can make them without my mama! SUCCESS x2

I think I've finally sorted it out and can make them without my mama! SUCCESS x2

I saved one for you, Trav.

I saved one for you, Trav.


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taking the fall

I would like to say that there will be a lot of nudity within this post. In the last three days I have had some very uncomfortable, sad, disappointing, awkward, humbling, and life-strengthening moments. Someone at work told me today that all bad things happen in threes and while this is representative of my catastrophic weekend, I will only share two of my three heinous moments as the first one is too depressing to ever repeat.

And numbers two and three are where you owe me your deepest and most heartfelt thanks because I subsequently experienced your worst nightmare(s). Twice. So now you don’t have to. I am glad I could help.

Either that, or it has the makings of a solid straight-to-DVD bomb of a Hollywood movie:

Scenario #2:

I was in the hotel room getting ready for Blake and Ashley’s wedding and I came out of the bathroom to ask Jes if my outfit looked ok. When she gave her consent, I turned to put on my shoes when she said “oh KATE it’s tucked up in the back, Mark don’t look!” and I yanked out the hem of my skirt that was caught, somehow, in the sash. After some advice to pay attention to that problem if I went to the bathroom at all that night, we left for the ceremony.

Right after all of the speeches and vids at the reception, I realllly had to use the restroom (which was down a bunch of stairs and a hallway from the room we were in). So I went to the bathroom, and when I finished washing my hands, I gave my skirt a little tug. Since it swished a bit, I figured I was good to go and headed out into the hallway.

It was not until I was almost at the top of the stairs and I heard a half snicker from a 14 odd year old at the bottom of the stairs that I realized my skirt was tucked into my underwear or sash (or both), giving that unlikely suspect a full view.

I was a mere 4 stairs and 10 steps away from utter and total mortification. Every time¬† saw that girl throughout the rest of the night, she grinned — and did the people around her.

Scenario #3:

I had a very long night last night. I drove home from the coast in torrential rains, almost hitting the meridian 2 times when I lost control of the wheel in the slippery rains. That is my excuse for this next painful experience.

I got home around 12:30 am and had to work this morning. I took the first hour off so that I could sleep and so I woke up around 8. I had a shower, wrapped myself in a towel, and headed back down to the den where I make my home for the four months I am here in the summer. I was doing a bunch of stuff, all wrapped in my towel, like unpacking and blowdrying my hair and packing my gym clothes. Since I moved my dresser to Victoria a couple days ago, all of my underwear is sitting on the arm chair right by the window.

I was still wet so I pulled off my towel and was drying myself off before putting on my underwear and there I am, stark naked, when I glanced out the massive window to see two of our landlords’ handymen working on the irrigation… separated by glass, a mere two feet away! One of them was hanging his head, his BRIGHT RED face, and then ran away, mortified. The other one, awkwardly looked at me and then got reaaaaal interested at something near his feet.

I didn’t want to make any drastic moves… so I backed away from the window, and in my mid fumble to get the towel around me while getting out of his view, I fell over the arm chair.

The guy did not know what to do.

So wanna know what he did?

Came to the door after I got home from work (so 9 hours later), uncomfortably told me that the irrigation was all fixed, asked me how my day was, and then proceeded to stand there and fumble through what I think was a dinner offer.

I’m not quite sure though, I had a 30 second lapse in reality where I forgot who, where, what, how, and why I was.

And I am never going to imagine the audience naked when I am giving speeches or teaching — it would be much too hard on me given my latest victimization.


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i know i know

I blame what you are about to read on matcha green tea ice cream cravings and my age — I’ll be 24 in about 5 days, gross.

I did absolutely nothing today. I woke up at 5:00 am with the intention of watching the sunrise from the trail above our house. Unfortunately due to the cleanse I am doing for a week, I can’t have coffee. At that hour, even the best of intentions fail and are less appealing if caffeine is not at the core. So I walked around for a bit sat on the couch. At about 7:15 I showered because I was a disaster and even I know that as counter-productive as it is, I would not go to the gym before having one. My eta for the gym was 9:30. I showered, put on my gear, drank the cleanse-brew, and sat on the couch again. This was quite unappealing so I went down to the den where I plugged in the latest ‘Brothers and Sisters’ episode (I’ve started watching the show — not bad). I woke up in my gym clothes at 11:45. At this point I realized my movie was due back at noon and I had 10 mins to get to the 20 min away location. I put my shoes on, walked out to my car, walked back into the house, and took off my shoes. I stripped down to my sportsbra (sorry) and shorts and sat on the chair outside in the heat — which reclines so I fell asleep until the heat woke me up. Then I went on facebook for all of 7 mins to respond to an e-mail, or message – whatever, and then realized my time allowance on megavideo was available so I watched another ep. of BaS. To which I fell asleep. Jes phoned at approximately 4:09 pm which was right around the time that I woke up and was fixing my next cleanse juice. And put a load of laundry in the dryer. When she called, I told her it felt like I just woke up from an 10.5 month coma (which started last September) but our conversation was so long and heated and passionate about the issues, the oh-so-rampant-issues, in my over-excited-life, I got plain exhausted and had to lay down. Now it is 7:18, and I just woke up. Oh, and I drank a calculated 24+ cups of water in the last 12 hours so there have been bathroom breaks in my day too.

I feel like 25 cents for not going to the gym because I love the gym and love what’s happening to me because of it, 4 bucks for not having coffee, $12.95 for watching 9.5 episodes of ‘Brothers and Sisters’, 17 dollars for dreaming about the new-to-me Counting Crows song I heard, and like I maxed my credit card for maxing on my sleep. A new day dawns, my friends, but the only thing I feel good about right now is that I have enough confidence in myself and my readership to be 100% honest with all of you. I know you’re jealous.

For someone who is never, ever this unproductive, I think I am handling the wasted-day with class. And a sunburn cause that 50 mins in the recliner just about did me in.

What did you do today? (I am going back to bed so I will check tomorrow.. :))


8 Comments

look up ‘idiots’ in the dictionary

Here’s an example of something that would get you shot in Penticton, Victoria, and BC as a whole. As part of my job at the Regional District I have to advocate for the environment. Not even close, actually, that’s not in my job description but after working with some of the most environementally conscious people in the entire polluted atmosphere and living in the most green, recyclable city in that said atmosphere, it starts rubbing off.

When a certain pair of pesky human beings mentioned that they still burn their garbage, I had a conniption fit/rage black out. I could hardly see straight so my weak attempt at advocating for the environment, I sent them each a magnet that said “1-2-3 Turn your key, be idle free, and SPARE OUR AIR” (because the second indication of idiocy in certain people is a love of free stuff). ANYWAYS.

They found the perfect spot for their new magnets… and sent me these two clips to prove it (see if you can find them).

The subjects of the following two videos are not named in effort to protect the not-so-innocent… but I would say that the quality of filming, the heinous background cackling by the videographer, and the shorts/hiking boot/sock/white leg combo of the star actor make them easily identifiable. Please watch the first vid first.


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teaser

I will put stuff up concerning Iron Chef soon… it was an awesome, fabulous, fun day… right thru to the bitter end. I will debrief once I recover. Here’s a pic or two to tide you over until I have time:

Game faces. We practiced.

Game faces. We practiced.

Rockstar judging.

Rockstar judging.

Rockstar Team "we have more of a symbol" Hardcore's spread.

Rockstar Team "we have more of a symbol" Hardcore's spread.

I think laughter is the best way to brush off defeat. We're pretty good at it.

I think laughter is the best way to brush off defeat. We're pretty good at it.