that perfect hand…

In Ocean's 11, Danny said that "the house always wins. If you play long enough, never change the stakes, then the house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet big… and then, you take the house." Here's the hand I've been dealt, sometimes it's risky and sometimes it's safe, but all the time… it's perfect. It's mine.

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strange days

When you drift off to wake up
Do you always hit the brakes?

Can you stay awhile? The last few weeks have been me struggling with an uncomfortable new normal. I am feeling a little anxious, if not entirely anxious, about what comes next after my degree is done. Accentuated by unemployment and the discomfort in that, my anxiety over the next thing is suffocating.


In other words, I have no idea what I am doing once this goal is achieved… which is only a few short months away. I am so excited to finish university and be a teacher but for the last six.5 years, that’s driven my existence. Not completely, but the biggest focus for sure. I am an all consuming person. When I make a point of committing to something it’s wholeheartedly and overwhelmingly. So to say I am scared of the fact that I have no next goal in place is a little daunting. Yes, I am hoping for a teaching job or clarity on where to move to, etc, but those concerns are based on the same same teaching dream. What’s next? Something entirely and wholly different… but what.

I want my life to be extraordinary. I feel like to have an extraordinary life I need to do extraordinary things. I’ve met someone new recently who seems to have done a lot of travelling and adventuring. Teaching English and experiencing cultures. I enjoy his stories because they are so entirely different from mine and the things I’ve done. The things he’s done… big and important things.  Really though? Not only do I feel pressured to figure out what comes next, as I want it to be extraordinary. I’m labouring on the issue that it’s not even what that next thing is but is it big enough (don’t ask which scale I am measuring that on). As it is heightened with people simply asking what I am going to do when school ends, the pressure I’m feeling isn’t external at all. There is a small measure of wanting to succeed in being something great, individual, and inspired, especially in the eyes of the people who matter to me… but mostly, it’s about being present in my own life and making sure it’s exactly as it’s meant to be. I just don’t know exactly what that means.

I know it’s extremely exaggerated to say, but right now I’m feeling SO anxious that I’m afraid I am going to miss it all simply while I am trying to figure it out. I often feel as though I do have an extraordinary life but that’s largely because I have been blessed by extraordinary people, not necessarily that I myself have experienced anything all that different from average.

I’m not trying to sound like I am discouraged by my life, quite the opposite really… I am thrilled by what I’ve been blessed with and the things I’ve achieved. The only downer is that when you’ve dreamed for something for a lifetime, such as becoming a teacher (in my case), the high that comes with achieving it is something like an unrealistic addiction: something I don’t want to end so I need something else to achieve now.

Finally, I am paralyzed by the fact that I have the best people in the world in my life. Yes, the absolute best people. And the people who keep walking into it are just making it better… but witnessing their goals and/or focuses not only makes me wonder what my next one(s) is but if I can just join them on the ride of their own for awhile. Or at least, play witness to their own grand adventures so I can add to my own.

It’s like wanting to impress people or impress myself with my next ambition… but before I commit to it, that goal has to truly impress me … and thus, the pressure is mounting.

Seriously, what should I do? I can’t hold all of my desires in two hands, let alone find a tangible way of getting them. Maybe my problem isn’t wondering what next but rather, knowing where to start? ‘Cause really, it’s freeing not being tied to this one for much longer.

…let’s see colours that have never been seen; lets go to places no one else has been. (U2) among other things.


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Without much pomp and/or circumstance, I turned 25 yesterday. After a morning run where I ran into the rear of a deer, I opened a parcel from my family that has been sitting (unopened — are you surprised?) here since Wednesday, I spent the late morning hanging out with this cutie and his rad parents:


They took me to a market in Oak Bay and for an awesome sushi lunch. Perfect.

The afternoon consisted of fielding and enjoying the telephone calls from my overly awesome family and friends who just keep meaning more and more to me as my 24 years swiftly gave way to 25. From there I just hung around before the beach fire we had last night to celebrate the day. There is something about an evening that starts with the sunset and ocean waves crashing and people like this:


who is giving this look to:


all the while stories are getting shared around the fire between me and these three:

Mark, Alison, Scott

I think Scott was talking about coaching football, passion accentuated by aggressive hand waving. And then, nights get better and better when seeing people I haven’t for awhile, like this guy:

Mao (with Carly behind)

all the while this is going on:

When these two showed up, after celebrating a Dad who shares the same special day with me:

Paul and Kristen

And I could never forget this one:

Celine and Glenn

And just a couple more so you get the point — great people and fantastic moments make these times, the best times:

Because when smiles like these:

lead to a grin like this:

and everyone is sitting there like this:

what does the evening end with, you ask? Well, stars instead of sun, high tide instead of low, and a little something like this:

It was a great day. 25 is going to be brilliant, just you wait.


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some summer snaps

Here’s some pictures from the K.C.S.O.U. (kate’s current summer of unemployment) thus far. Noteable moments so far? Countless beach fires, time with family, school ending, and getting a sun burn on the right side of my body yesterday while playing Scrabble at the lagoon (yes, only my right face cheek, arm, leg, and chest… so weird).

These pictures are from UVic’s summer institute (so my June school) when we went to the high ropes course up in Shawnigan, Josh’s wedding, a couple beach fires, and yes, more fishing excursions. Hopefully the captions work and tell you what’s up.

Anyway… enjoy!

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my happening

So I need a job. I’ve been done school for two full weeks now and on top of being a financially strapped, I am bored.  Not that it hasn’t been gorgeous out and that I haven’t found a million and one ways to occupy my time…but weather and chillin’ is only fun when you’re not stressed about anything, like getting work. And stress doesn’t dress me well — I have so little drama and stress in my joy filled, peaceful, fun life so when it does hit, I feel like it’s almost out of body. However, instead of being able to stand outside myself and watch the stress happen, I need to be proactive in dealing with it. But it’s so dang hard! I’ve applied all over the place. I had a job interview on Tuesday, maybe pray for that, for the perfect summer position but I still haven’t heard back yet so here’s to hoping that it works out. Selfishly, for my bank account and wellbeing. Selflessly, for the people who spend time with me who are not used to me whining (and hopefully will never become familiar with the act).

Anyway, that’s what’s happening around here so if you know of anyone hiring in my area, tricks to not being depressed throughout job hunting (I haven’t looked for work in 5 years!), or some excuse to come visit me so I am not simply keeping busy stewing, I’m all ears.

Positive? Did you know I am done university entirely on December 3? Can’t. Wait. This road is far too worn and bumpy to want to keep going on it any longer, wow.

Cheers (and bring me some beers — just kidding)!


another video

I wrote a post with this story but for my new literacies and media institute I just finished, I put it to a video. It’s actually kind of neat but sorry when the music goes super loud for a minute… I don’t know if it was the song or just a rookie editing error. I recommend watching it full screen. Anyway, enjoy…

ALSO: I edited the OTHER movie that I posted a couple weeks ago so you should be able to watch it now… it’s hilarious.

be blessed.