that perfect hand…

In Ocean's 11, Danny said that "the house always wins. If you play long enough, never change the stakes, then the house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet big… and then, you take the house." Here's the hand I've been dealt, sometimes it's risky and sometimes it's safe, but all the time… it's perfect. It's mine.


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resignation

I’ve decided I am resigning to the things in the world that I have absolutely NO control over:

-the weather. why complain about it if it doesn’t change it?

-the size of my head. might as well adjust the hat since i can’t adjust the head.

-what other people say. i am constantly shocked by what other people say. why? i shouldn’t actually be surprised when i am not making them say it (or not making).

-my character. i can refine it or tweak it or discover it, but i can’t really change it so i might as well forget it.

-my job. i keep forgetting that i have to do as i am told. period.

-hoards of tourists. they are what and who they are. i can control my reactions to them, particularly this weekend — the elvis festival. oh, it’s that bad.

-living at home for four months. i can’t decide what’s important to my mom so i might as well go with it.

-change. it happens.

-the taste of cilantro. i try desperately to love it but really, i can’t force my tongue to enjoy it.

-routine. it creeps up on you and it’s only noticeable when something has gone awry.

-family dynamics. i swear it’s not my fault.

-priorities of others. i need patience to remember that though I am my first priority, doesn’t mean I am theirs.

how books take me elsewhere. it’s not in my power to put a book down 3 hours later and be cognizant of what went on around me in the meantime.

-the way somethings make me feel. like seeing Paul yesterday for the first time since this time last year and the year before that, i can’t help that he’s my dearest friend that i love and hate the most in my world. i try but he makes me happy and angry. i can’t control it.

-i’ve read 5 jodi picoult novels in the last 10 days. i swore i would never read her, but now that i have i’ve lost all recollection of why i said that in the first place.

-coffee loving. did you know that it’s impossible to lose your first love?

-my heart. it didn’t come with an instruction manual.