that perfect hand…

In Ocean's 11, Danny said that "the house always wins. If you play long enough, never change the stakes, then the house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet big… and then, you take the house." Here's the hand I've been dealt, sometimes it's risky and sometimes it's safe, but all the time… it's perfect. It's mine.

awkward abyss

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So I am back in Victoria. Waoot (cross between wahoo and woot…I learnt that in my young adult lit class two days ago). So far, it’s been the most relaxing transition back to school yet.   Maybe it’s because I just moved into Rutherfords, which has been wonderful. Maybe it’s because it’s not all ‘new’ to me anymore, UVic etc. But I think it’s just because I am in my FIFTH year of post-secondary education and I am ready to punch a hole in the wall.

I know this dark tunnel has a light called “Katie Justine Stam, BA” at the end of it, but five years is a long time. Long time. In five years, I learnt how to cook, do my own laundry, study until 5 am, live on quesedillas, use transit systems, live in a city, mend a broken heart, trust God, rollerblade without falling on my face, cheat the textbook system (libraries), and pump my own gas… honestly, I don’t know how much more I can take.

Added to the brilliance of taking five years to do my four year first degree (I still have to do another one to be a teaher), is the fact that I transferred provinces. So this year is littered with first year courses. Which is bloody (cue the deep British accent) awkward. The other day in my History 105 class, our prof called attendence and asked us to say what our “History” experience is – and to be honest. So one by one, the students said a myriad of responses including one or all of only these three phrases: “I took history 12”; “I took History 12 and this is my first university history course”; or “I didn’t take History 12 but this sounds interesting”… until he called my name. To which I responded “I am doing this backwards, I am in my grad year, this is a pre-req, and I’ve take probably 7 other history courses and this semester I am taking Canada-America Relations, US Foreign Policy, and WWI on top of this course.”

The prof, sympathetic and full for remorse, mouthes “I am so sorry.” Then later asked me why in the world I put off an intro course for so long. I was thinking, The same reason I walked from Armena to Camrose last week… I have no idea!

On another note, my profs are all fantastic and I am taking SIX courses this semester so I am on overload… or I will be. My new “roommates” are fabulous, too. And my new car is fine but it cost 390+ dollars to buy a parking pass for UVic so I am struggling with that financial strain.

I guess with the added pain of leaving my mom behind (I love you), I really just think I need to get over myself, the fact that I am still at university and in first year courses (don’t even get me started on my Intro to Human Geography class) surrounded by first years, and embrace what this year has in store. Sound convincing? I don’t think so either. You should see the finalized list of goals I have set. It’s just so awkward.

The reality is that I am fired up to be here and graduate before starting the next and becoming “Katie Justine Stam, BC BEd”… but I am desperate to get on with my life. Ya know?

See you and me have a better time than most can dream of,
better than the best, so we can pull on through, whatever
tears at us, whatever holds us down, and if nothing can
be done, we’ll make the best of what’s around.” -DMB

One thought on “awkward abyss

  1. Well…

    You come here and pack/move/deliver baby for me and I’ll tackle your first year courses (since I never did get around to going to school.)

    This way, we’ll BOTH learn a thing or two…

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