that perfect hand…

In Ocean's 11, Danny said that "the house always wins. If you play long enough, never change the stakes, then the house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet big… and then, you take the house." Here's the hand I've been dealt, sometimes it's risky and sometimes it's safe, but all the time… it's perfect. It's mine.

put it this way


I need an overhaul. Kinda like that show. I need someone who cares about me to steal me away, overhaul me-renovate me-re-furbish me-shine me up-and plop me back into this life again. Really. At least, I was beginning to think so. Sometimes I am not sure.

I was reading a housing listing in the paper this afternoon. I exchanged every “home” or “house” or “it” with the words “Me” or “Woman” or “Wife” or “She”.Β  Figured this might be an insight into my life?

So, check this out:

“Needs renovation. Woman available at low cost, inspection needed, and she is showing her age. Will be able to have no sooner than June 2009, the cost of the wife is subject to change providing increases in the market”

“Woman has nice view. Overlooking the quiet, serene waters of the bay. Very expensive to maintain but could be rewarding if you wish to resell her”

“Wife on the corner. Not much to look at but in excellent location”

“Woman gone through multiple renovations, increased the quality of her exponentially. Still needs work but she’s worth more after the renos than before”

“Wife for sale, in the middle of renovations. Needs imaginative and skilled owner to finish the job. Will be transformed in no time”

“Old woman in low-end neighbourhood. After extensive work and cleaning you won’t recognize her”

“Fashion her to your desire! Woman built to your standards. Call toll-free”

“Tired of the same old thing? Give your woman a face-lift. Improvements always welcomed”

“First time wife-owner? Careful! She is harder than you think”

“Woman to rent. Comes furnished”

“Woman to rent. Fits up to 4 people. No pets. Students need not call”

Sometimes I think of myself like that:Β  always being negotiated or stripped down or needing improvement. In need of an overhaul.

What I really want is this kind of ad:

“Woman; not expensive, but fairly priced; ready as-is, no improvement necessary; inspection passed with flying colours; rave reviews; prior owners left because they weren’t able to maintain it in it’s original fashion; if you’re right for it, you will love it just simply for being its own. Cozy, open, lots of light and amazing view”

5 thoughts on “put it this way

  1. Kate, if you were a house I’d buy you.

    There’s really no way of saying that in a non-creepy type way but I’m trusting you get what I mean πŸ˜‰

  2. Point received. Excellent encouragement. I think if I were a house, life might be a little easier. As long as I didn’t have puke green siding.


  3. Kate… you’re hilarious. Loved the post. And I think that you fit the last one nicely… Glad you laughed at the post…

  4. πŸ™‚ LOL!
    Great post! haha… Loved the ‘first time wife owner…’ That was hilarious.
    Let Jesus be the owner. He’s already bought the house! πŸ˜€ He does the best job on reno’s!

  5. you can always come and visit me….anytime, if you need an excuse to get out of town πŸ™‚

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