that perfect hand…

In Ocean's 11, Danny said that "the house always wins. If you play long enough, never change the stakes, then the house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet big… and then, you take the house." Here's the hand I've been dealt, sometimes it's risky and sometimes it's safe, but all the time… it's perfect. It's mine.


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interview with rob bell

This excerpt is taken from an interview a friend of mine and I were reading the other day… I found his comments pretty neat…as well as I like his perspective on things, particularly this:

You talk in the book about the ‘big Jesus.’ Tell me about the big Jesus that you know abd how that differs from ‘small’ or ‘smaller Jesus’ or even ‘eentsy, beentsy, microscopic, teeny, weeny, little Jesus’ out there.

For many people the message of Jesus was presented as an individual message of salvation for their own individual sin: “Jesus died for you.” I affirm that wholeheartedly, but in the scriptures, its scope goes in the opposite direction. It begins with the Jesus who dies on the cross and rises from the dead. But as the New Testament progresses, you have writers saying that “by his shed blood he is reconciling everything in heaven and on earth.” Peter says in Acts, “He will return to restore everything.”

So it is a giant thing that God is doing here and not just the forgiveness of individuals. It is the reconciliation of all things. It is the putting back together of the whole universe how God originally intended it to be. One way to look at it is that the message is an invitation into God’s giant, global universal purposes that “I” actually get to be a part of.

I’m trying to get the focus where the first Christians seem to have had the focus. It is easy for it to become a very selfish thing-“look what I’ve got”-as opposed to “by the grace of God look at this amazing thing that he’s been inviting people into for thousands of years.” And that is quite an awe-inspiring, amazing thing.


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annoyances


So I just had the worst week of my life. And by worst, it’s really not, it just shocked me I could have a bad week when there’s no drama in my life. But it was terrible. I got a couple bad grades… I am fearing for my life here because I am not just trying to complete an English undergrad degree…but I am trying to get into Education when I am done so every mark counts. So my heart naturally stops and I have moments of severe anxiety, particularly on Thursday when I got not one but two papers back with bad grades. And then I had not one, but two midterms on Thursday as well. It was lame. My hair looked cute and everything that day but no, terrible.

Another problem of this past week, my kidneys have been feeling weird again. Feels like the onset of last years trauma, but more like a dull incomfort and that scares me because my memories of last fall are clouded by PAIN so I don’t actually remember how it felt leading up to it. Pray, cross your fingers, and hope for me that it is not what I think it might be again. Speaking of health, I just did a throat inspection (best I could) in the mirror and it looks like I might have strep. Check me out, I am Doctor Kate. Not really. But Yea, I feel like the worst thing about having a bad SCHOOL week can bring on bouts of sickness. Lame. (Actually I just want people to feel sorry for me so I am milking this blog).

I am also feeling lonely… man-lonely. My roommate’s boyfriend SURPRISED her and flew in from Edmonton on Friday morning… I knew, but she had NO idea. Is it wrong that out of spite I just wanted to ruin the surprise and tell her? Why in the world should SHE get the special treatment from her honey? What about me? Aren’t I good enough? Yea. Coupled with the fact that my two best friends in Victoria are in very serious relationships, well, I am 22 and single and lonely. Where’s Leanne when I need her? Yea.

Although, this week was alright in other ways. Friday night I went to my cousin and his wife’s house for a rager (like a crazy insane party that was out of control). Just kidding it wasn’t a rager, we actually carved pumpkins and mine was a ghost. I introduced Chrissy and another girl (lady?) to the world of Killer Bunnies… and it was a pretty neat evening. Although, the things they talk about go over my head so I found I did a lot of smiling and nodding… all in all, I had a fantastic time.

Now for the kicker, Angela is here (apparently). So yesterday I thought we’d be having a fabulous evening of banana muffin making (I am a loser) and sightseeing but she never made it into town last night as planned. So now… I am at home, which is clean, my roommate and her boyfriend-surprise have left for the day, and I am waiting for Ang. I missed a costume party and a weekend in Duncan on account of her. Would a normal person spend this time waiting? I don’t get it.

All of these experiences this week have lead me to one simple question: Am I a loser? I mean, seriously. My grades are sucking, I don’t have a significant other and I hate others who do, my kidneys feel like they are going to rupture, I don’t know anything about the World of Warcraft (or WOW is what people IRL say), and I’ve spent (minus three hours of accumulated time at the gym) 48 hours waiting for my pseudo-bff that I thought was in town.

Forget the pretense. I am a loser.


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it’s true

I live in Victoria! What a glorious day… I don’t like using the word glorious to describe days…but wow, it’s beautiful out today!! Mom is making me go take pictures of myself for Christmas cards…and I don’t like how flat my hair is. So these aren’t acceptable but I thought I would post a couple because I am so vain. [No I am not… I just don’t know what else to do with them].


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where’s the [North American] football?


It’s now creeping up to the end of October and I am painfully admitting, I have YET to receive any raging updates about the WARRIORS football team in Calgary. I miss the violently crazy aggressive moments of watching high school boys run around in their man-tights freezing while Megan and I sit in the bleachers, fighting off the violently cold weather with scooby snacks, hot chocolate, mittens, and a blanket, just hoping for the sneak-peek at the coach (well, Megan anyways…I was much too hardcore to be gazing at Steve…) or the intensely aggressive plays. I mean, to the end of those fortunate evenings, I was sacrificing my warm spot on the bench to jumpy up and violently yell cheers (and jeers) for “our” team while aggressively asking my counterparts exactly what was going on. When I used to watch Ken (as a halfback? fullback? running back? goalie? — just kidding Steve) play football in my first year, I lacked in any of the necessary education to really enjoy him in the sport. The Warriors experience is something on an entirely different level… and I cannot believe I haven’t been kept up to date on “our” progress… what the heck.

I am supporting the boys from a province over… and boys they are, because unfortunately, I am borderlining 23 years old and some of those guys are what, 14? I swear, I go for the watching of sport in it’s purest form – accompanied by conversations with Megan and my really cute toque (really cute), I am sure missing ‘home’ today…

So get it together and give me the scoop… I tried googling it and realized that it’s much too late to call to find out how ‘our’ boys are doing. Consider yourself blessed you have such a devoted fan… and they better be kicking Churchill’s butt… my affiliation to that school wishes them to be aggressively and violently slaughtered. GO WARRIORS!..

[disclaimer: my prof wanted us to use the words raging, violently, and aggressively in our diagnostic paragraphs today… hilarious… coupled with some descriptions of football, they can be very effective]


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she’s just not that into me

There is this girl that I know from high school that works somewhere [for the sake of her privacy in case she ever stumbles onto my blog] at UVic. When we were in high school, we had spare together, a couple classes together, hung out with some of the same people, and even played on the same ball team [too much information?]. So naturally when I saw her out of the corner of my eye, working, I had to run over and say HEY! I mean, I haven’t seen her since prom or the year after grad, since my parents left so I was super fired up about going to chat with her. I ran out of my class to where she was and like a total fool, WAVED at her and said “HEY [insert name]! How’s it going? Wow it’s been forever” with a big fat grin on my face. Much to my heartbreak this was her response:

[insert blank stare]…

[insert furrowed brow, in a type of angst]…

[insert the “i-don’t-know-why-you’re-talking-to-me-but-i-will-do-this-to-
acknowledge-you smirk]…

FOR REAL! I swear, if I was completely daft I would believe she didn’t recognize me… but the contempt that brimmed from her eyes down her cheeks to her mouth and ultimately, I am assuming, reached her fists [that would’ve punched me if we were elsewhere].

THERE IS NO WAY SHE DIDN’T RECOGNIZE ME!

In my hysteria of seeing an old “friend” I completely lost my composure, then lost my dignity as everyone around there was witnessing this would-be joyous reunion of old friends.

[insert my head falling]…

[insert colour into my cheeks that never blush]…

[insert psycho babble that I stammered to my friends on why the reunion I ran out on them for lasted only 14.25 seconds]…

Well, this happened initially about a month ago. I see her every [one day out of the week.. I won’t say which at again, risk of her reading this blog] and it’s still the same thing. She is not pleading a very convincing case of not knowing me as she pleads a very convincing case that she hates me.

I’ve spent 4 weeks explicating my brain, pouring over my yearbook [that she signed with a very wonderful passage] and rereading old journals [not really] and I cannot for the life of me figure out what I did to deserve her absolute disgust.

I guess she’s just not that into me.

[Lesson learned: I wasn’t as cool as I thought I was in high school.]


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lyrics to live by

Just random, you all need to download/listen to/buy music of the artists I will mention. Some you can’t access anywhere but the website, which I have provided for you (you can click on their names). But I have been listening to these artists for a long time now and they are all fantastic… Stay tuned for more on the subject:

1. Matt Wertz – Download: everything of his. Especially: ‘Wesley, Why? and ‘Hiding Behind a Smile’ and ‘Counting to 100’

2. Dave Barnes – Download: ‘Grace’s Amazing Hands’

3. Dave Simpson – You have to go to his site to hear –> he’s a friend of a friend based out of Calgary… unreal.

4. The Shins – Download: ‘One By One All Day’

5. Joshua Radin – Download: ‘Winter’ and ‘What If You’ (all of his stuff is fantastic…Ang and I love him)

6. Patty Griffin – Download: ‘Burgundy Shoes’ and ‘Rain’ (she’s incredible… I just stumbled onto her… never been partial to female singers but she changed that)

7. The Weepies – Download: ‘World Spins Madly On’

8. The Weakerthans – Download: ‘Left and Leaving’

9. Pete Yorn – Download: ‘Ice Age’ or ‘For Us’

10. Greg Laswell – Download: ‘High and Low’ and ‘Amazed’

11. Schuyler Fisk – Download: ‘Paperweight’

12. Elliott Smith† – Download: ‘Angeles’

Some classics I call favourites: DAVE MATTHEWS, Pearl Jam, Bryan Adams, The Tragically Hip, The Foo Fighters, Matt Redman, Tim Hughes, The Counting Crows, Hootie and the Blowfish, Third Day, Matchbox 20 (New CD coming out!), Tom Petty, Jimmy Eat World, RHCP,


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family bonding

I was nervous about a Thanksgiving where my immediate family is basically all together, aside from Jes and Mark being with the Hagens and my being here, I thought it would be a time of desperate missing them. However, I temporarily had a bout with Alzheimer’s because nothing is farther from the truth.

All the family here made for a fantastic Thanksgiving afternoon and evening. I think the most incredible thing about family is that they are family… all of the time. From having Nana and the Holensteins and Josoks visiting, to the Simpsons, Rutherfords, and Josoks perma-here… not to mention the addition of Dan today, it is incredibly special to know there is a place to find family here… and be able to call “home”. I am quickly appreciating the familiarity of the people here… adapting to not only having friends so nearby, but the city I am learning to love and the fellowship of family that I never spent so much time with before. While I am still struggling to understand Trav’s (and Scott’s) cheekiness (as he puts it), I am absolutely fascinated by Jordi, the unbelievable welcome arms I find myself in my Aunts here .. and the hugs (oh the hugs) from all my cousins and littlest cousins, and talks with Kyla, Chrissy, and Alicia…and the wealth of information in my Uncles, make it easy to call Victoria home. It’s such a blessing to be here and to know that there is never “too late” to get to know people… and love them in such a way that you wish you had had it a lot sooner.

I think oftentimes we assume that we know our family so well simply because they are family. But what I am learning is that this assumption is unfair. There is so much to know and see and learn about these people I have known for my lifetime… might even be presumptuous to say I’ve “known” them… rather, I am getting to know them now. And I am loving it.

So this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for God’s grace. I am thankful for challenges, opportunities, and humility. But at this point, I am thankful for my family… I think it’s pretty cool that God saw fit to put me here, and have me come from all of these people… I can’t imagine it any other way.

xox