that perfect hand…

In Ocean's 11, Danny said that "the house always wins. If you play long enough, never change the stakes, then the house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet big… and then, you take the house." Here's the hand I've been dealt, sometimes it's risky and sometimes it's safe, but all the time… it's perfect. It's mine.


it just makes sense

It’s how things fit. Like sunshine and sunscreen. Or coffee and a good friend. Mittens on a cold day or an A+ for excellent effort. Life throws at us a lot of things that seem to confuse us but every so often, something comes along that just seems to fit. It just makes total and utter and complete sense.

Enter Paul. I’ve posted about him before… but it was one of those metaphorical-post-modern-esque blogs where probably the only person to understand it (and know who I was referring to) was Paul… so I obviously didn’t do him the justice he deserves.

Paul makes sense. He challenges me because he knows how my mind works. In knowing this, he understands how I think more abstractly as I look at the world in it’s every little piece, not in its entirety. See Paul challenges me simply because he gets it and seems to know the capabilities of my head and has me figured out to a point where I wish I could just tell him to turn it off. He not only knows my dreams and desires but he pushes me harder and consistently more than anyone. I often say I don’t care about something… and when I say it and don’t mean it, Paul’s the one who will call me on my lie. And when I tell him I don’t want to talk about something, he won’t let me. He is stubborn and sometimes annoying, but only because he is caring and insightful. And strong. In both ways. You might say he scares me into being me. But I wouldn’t say that. I would say he brings out the “me” in me. And I like that. I need that. I wish I could say I do no wrong by Paul, but I do. But he’s the only friend I have who tells me so, in pure kindness, and then hugs me when I stuff my pride to admit that I was wrong. I am NEVER wrong. But yes, now I know I can be. He makes me do things… not peer pressure but things he knows I wouldn’t do unless he made me. Like stand out on my own or be vulnerable or question people. He always says “You only live once” and I swear, he thinks he came up with that cliché. He will tell me when I am being stupid… but then says the world won’t stand a chance against me… which is frustrating, because I wish he would just make up his mind. And yes, I am this exact same way, back towards him. We recognize each other’s faults, but we don’t relish in them. Because without them, we wouldn’t be us. And us wouldn’t fit.

I lived in residence with Paul, on the same floor, my first year. We had class together and became fast, close, smart friends. And by smart I mean we had conversations with more than “what did you do last weekend” headings and we studied together a lot. Since then, we lived in residence another year then he moved to Ontario. I was going to go there too but it was his dream, not mine… although, I sure would’ve loved to borrow him from it for awhile. So it’s been three years of midnight Tim Horton’s runs, watching him play hockey, chillin‘ to Dave Matthews, writing his papers, text messages, e-mails, too much phone talking, coming to visit when I had kidney issues, parties, old friends/new friends, and those infamous, 3:30 am college-life hang out times… and basically, just tons of talking. Trusting. And recognizing something great.

K Paul is just on my mind because I JUST SAW HIM! He came down to Vernon, him and his girlfriend Dani, for the weekend… but I, lucky girl I am, got them all to myself for a few hours. I never really spent any time with Danielle before (she’s from out east) and after that, I realized I couldn’t hand pick a better girl for my dearest friend. It was like “old times” seeing him again… but it’s not “old” it’s just right where we left off… and for a window of time I let myself remember just how much better my world is when my friend is closer to me. I am also glad that he’s a guy who seems to value this as much as I do… because we do a fine job staying in touch. But it was sure nice to have him in person for awhile. I needed his straightforward opinion and view and support, face to face, for a night. Getting to know Dani was an added, HUGE bonus. I love her too.

But yea.

Paul is my buddy and as previously mentioned, my dearest friend. I’ve got a best friend or two, but I think I need a different word for him because he stands kind of alone. Dearest isn’t masculine enough. Or us enough.

Because him and I just always seem to work.

We’re just like that.

Paul and I? We’re just the one thing in my life that always makes sense.

I hope you have a friend like that!