that perfect hand…

In Ocean's 11, Danny said that "the house always wins. If you play long enough, never change the stakes, then the house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet big… and then, you take the house." Here's the hand I've been dealt, sometimes it's risky and sometimes it's safe, but all the time… it's perfect. It's mine.


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a regular piece of work

I am submitting to the fact that i am a woman of many faces. Unfortunately for me, my face doesn’t lie. Fortunately for you, you can look at my face and know if I am lying. It is a vicious circle, I swear. I think my parents appreciate it. I know Jes noticed it. Jocelyn can get away with lying. I can’t. Worse part is, I don’t seem to control it, I just make these faces as a reflex, like when Doc hits your knee and your foot shoots out in front of you. That’s it. Say something, do something, see something, and my face reflexes like the automatic gearshift when it is switched into DRIVE. Out of control. Well, for some people.

See that one of me winking? Yea, some guy in my grad class told me I should never wink at people because it looks like my face is having a seizure. And the one of me upside down? Basically just a metaphor for how not-upright I feel about my lack of controlled facial expressions I feel. The very first expression there, that one I was making at the computer at work today… until I noticed my boss, supervisor, and the receptionist staring at me blankly and then asking “uhh is everything ok?” Should I lie and say yes?

Then there’s the “I am curious (also interpreted as the ‘I am up to no good’)” and “You’re not at all funny, I can’t even pretend to laugh but this smirk might satisfy you” expressions. See that’s the problem, I can’t fak my faces, they just happen. It sucks. If I eat bad food and the cook asks me if it’s ok… I can nod and say “yes I love it” but my expression reads “I need to find a bathroom RIGHT NOW.” I just want to apologize, I think there is a short circuit from my brain to my face. I just can’t control it, ya know?

It just sucks sometimes — having a weird face.