that perfect hand…

In Ocean's 11, Danny said that "the house always wins. If you play long enough, never change the stakes, then the house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet big… and then, you take the house." Here's the hand I've been dealt, sometimes it's risky and sometimes it's safe, but all the time… it's perfect. It's mine.


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combination skin

Someone once told me that to be a successful person, both in life and love and all our desires, we need to be able to humble ourselves.

This is me humbling myself.

I wasn’t planning on posting this because it is basically horrifically embarassing, but it’s been over 3 days now and I am still in shock so I figure, it is worth telling.

On Friday (last week) I took my road test to get rid of my ‘N’ (novice in graduated licensing for all you non-BCers). It was a long time coming but I submitted to the fact that I, unlike most people, maxed out on my ‘N’ and it expires in a month so I had to get rid of it. Who has the darn thing for 5 years? Me. Anyways, after driving a flawless (thank you, thank you) road test, I was in the Service BC office doing some mumbo-jumbo paperwork in order to be issued my new, adult-esque restriction-less license.

So I am standing there, my feet on both ‘paws’, getting my picture taken. After she took it, the lady was humming and hawing over my photo. I looked at her and asked her if it turned out ok. I kid you not, this is what she said:

“Well I really like your picture, but there is a big shiny spot on your fore head. You are smiling and the colour is good but you have a massive shiny spot, it looks white.”

I looked at her and said I didn’t care. It’s just a license and the pictures are horrible anyways and the only person who is going to see it is the police (she didn’t think that was very funny at all).

She responds, 100% seriously,

“Can’t you just wipe off your forehead? Yea. Just wipe it. Really good cause it looks like you have a lot on there.”

Hello? Sure I can wipe the massive amount of loudly-spoken-for-in-a-public-office oil off of my forehead.

“Good that would be great…” snap, another picture…”hmm, sorry, that didn’t solve your problem. I guess people are just naturally oily.”

I guess so.

What?! Maybe it’s time for a new foundation… stupid M.A.C.

But hey… if it’s natural, I am glad that the license issuer took it upon her self to point it out to me. I am blaming it on my Holenstein genes.

I digress.


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i passed my drivers test…

… and other musings.

The yesterday-today-tomorrow mindset…do you ever find yourself caught in a whirlwind, with nothing to hold onto? Like in the movie,Twister, when the HUGE tornado is coming and the two characters strap themselves with leather belts onto a bar that is buried deep into the ground in order to not be lost up in the storm.

Consider this: if there were three bars to choose from, and you have ENOUGH time to make the decisions, which bar would you go for?

That first one… you’ve actually past it already. The yesterday choice. It is there that you see what was… the place where decisions sit decided, dreams remain still yet to come true, and promises made have been kept or forgotten. So many things surround it… the beginning of life, where you made your initial mistakes and scored some winning points; an accountability of all your firsts The metal has been weathered by the passing of time… so much that you know if you try holding onto it for much longer, the smooth and worn down surface will cause your hands to lose grip and slide off…

You take a step to the next one but your eye catches as the sun glistens off the one even farther away. Tomorrow… your future. The pole is brand new, nothing has touched it or tainted it in any way. You must decide whether to put all of your strength and energy into something that might be so unreal that it truly doesnt exist… will you strap yourself on where you cannot predict how well you will be able to keep holding onto it? It has yet to be experienced… so new you can see a reflection of possibility, change, mistakes, perseverence, and things you never dreamed could be yours. But would you really want to stand there and stare into its shiny surface for so long that you forget to grab onto it… and the other moments pass you by?

Not even noticing, you’re resting on the middle post. The bar not shiny or smooth. Just sort of in between. In the wind it tends to sway and in the sun it gets very hot. You certainly don’t know if you can trust it to hold you, as it is slightly unstable and offers no guarantees. This is today. It’s not wishing for the future or desiring what was. It’s ONLY making promises you intend to keep. It’s actually having a dream. It’s making mistakes but having nothing to worry about. It’s not holding a grudge. It’s making a friend and keeping him there. It’s DEFINITELY not being angry. It’s making the decision to be only YOU and loving every minute of it. It’s taking a chance on things that you are completely unsure of. It’s a risk. And it’s what makes today.

What bar would you choose? Could you trust another person to make the decision for you? Would you decide to even raise the bar even HIGHER… far out of your reach, because you’re not going to hang onto anything; instead, let this life just carry you away?


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splish-splash

Incentive for coming to Penticton for a quick trip: it was +28 and it’s not even the end of May and we JUST finished fixing, cleaning, and are in the process of filling the pool! Nothing like working in the hot hot heat…whether in or out side… knowing that you can just pop in for a “dip” at the end of the day! The lake is pretty fabulous too.
On Saturday we went to Kamloops (Mom, Jayme, Myself) to watch Smithers’ Track 54-50 compete in a meet at TRU. I thought again, since the last time, what a gorgeous campus. Schools in Alberta can’t house that type of outdoor facility… very, very nice. We went because Shirley Pederson came down and Mom can’t resist the option of seeing her!! Her girls came too, Kristi was competing and Nicki was just along for the ride. MORGAN was down too for it, and she was the superstar! Maybe it’s the long legs or her cute braids 😛 but she was incredible and very, very fast.

Another note, I am FINALLY getting rid of (attempting to) my ‘N’ license!!! I have had it for just about 5 years already! I should’ve gotten rid of it one year after I got it but when I took the test that time, I failed for turning my left wrist out when I turned… and then went to school so I forgot about it until I noticed I’ve had it so long it EXPIRES on my 22nd birthday (2 months). So I could really use prayers because I don’t do well under this kind of pressure, regardless that I have been driving for almost a third of my life… eww. It’s on Friday at 1:45 pm. I also am trying to get a dentist appointment… it is amazing how much “all of a sudden” has to be done when I am home! I guess you just finally slow down to realize it, huh?

I guess so. Bring on “you”… we want visitors!


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i’ll take Regional Government for 500, please

Top ten reasons that proves I don’t know anything.

1. A gentleman called the office today to ask me a very pointed question: “Hi Kate, can yard waste for the clear bags include grass clippings and raked leaves?” Me: “Why I am drawing a blank sir, let me transfer you to our public works department, I am sure they can help you sort it out.” Hello? Kate, those are the two main yard wasted things! Yea, ok.

2. When getting ultility billings ready to be mailed out, some of the invoices required manual folding. I stepped in to man that job…and once the envelopes were stuffed, about 10 of mine did not have the address on the front in the plastic envelope window. My coworker kindly informed me that it actually doesn’t take three years of university to know the folded side with the address on the invoice goes at the front. Duh.

3. “No Kate, you can’t take the Tacoma simply because the light is on top and it makes you look like a bylaw or police officer…and for your second question, because I know you’re going to ask it, you cannot turn it on or flicker it at Drew [mosquito sprayer] if you guys pass in town on the way to the sewer.”

4. Who knew that when my boss told me at 9:00 in the morning that my skirt was a little “tucked in” in the back, that if it were true at 9 am, it would still be true periodically throughout the day? Not wearing that again!

5. Unfortunately, Drew and the guys needed the committee meeting room for a pest control meeting — the pests didn’t need the room for a guys meeting. It’s not my fault I seem to have late maturing dyslexic tendencies.

6. I never realized that asking someone “so, like, what exactly do you do?” would be misinterpreted from an innocent query to mean “what are you saying? That I don’t do anything?” then proceed to tell everyone the summer student thinks the people in question don’t do anything all day. I am just trying to know. That’s all.

7. Apparently when you “dial 9 to get out” does not apply to dialing 9-1-1. I wish I could take blame for this but wow was that ever the perfect move.

8. “So when is the maintenance guy coming in again?” … “why Kate, did something happen that needs fixing?” … “Well, I knelt down in the storage unit to grab the files [interjection: the storage unit is absolutely disgusting] and now my skirt [white] is completely dirty!” … “OK so you want him to take it home and wash it? Because I think you’d have better luck asking him to sweep it up..” ………obviously!

9. Waters calls to engineering; inspections to building; maps to GIS; agendas to administration; billing to finance; records management to Kate. Took me about 4.75 hours to realize records management was just a fancy word for filing. OK, thanks for the title.

10. “Kate why do you read at work on your breaks?” … “Because I like to.” … “Oh I thought you were rubbing your pending degree in my face.” … “Yea that too.” Which I am not, but older people just don’t seem to get sarcasm. I am sorry! Probably shouldn’t have said that.

There really really are stupid questions. Unfortunately, in this game, most of them come from me. In other words, I love being back at work. I forgot a lot about basic public queries and where to send phone calls or the extensions of people’s direct lines. But I appreciate the job because while I look like a fool, potentially, to everyone else at the office, I learn and learn and learn sooo much. And have a pretty great time doing it. Some people get on my nerves as with every job but I am learning to be patient. I told my supervisor I depend on words of affirmation… I meant it as a joke partially and partially serious…because being government, I don’t want to mess up and have no one tell me otherwise. So she proceeded to affirm me every second I saw her for the past 48 hours. A little overkill which is now going to my head which resulted in a day of overly stupid things happening to me. Yay for jobs and people who seem to think I am a walking nutcase… little do they know!

Cheers


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hi, Mom


Because I feel that in the heavens above
The angels, whispering one to another,
Can find among their burning terms of love,
None so devotional as that of “Mother”…

Edgar Allen Poe

Being the national holiday of celebrating MOM, I wonder the proper way to acknowledge my very own mom…in a way that she might truly get how appreciated she is. I bought a book, candy, a soap scrubber, and some tanktops for her… but somehow, it doesn’t really seem like enough.

When I was younger I never listened to my mom… and if I did, it was because I had no other choice. “You can go to the movies with the boys as long as Joce and Sarah are there” or “Come home right after work” or “You better not miss church again” or “Be polite; did you say thank you?” or “No you can’t go over to (so and so’s) house after the game, it’ll be after 11” or “You better not be driving Jocelyn’s parents’ vehicle, even though you have your ‘N'” she’d say, and I would go along…with most of it. I didn’t get it then, I had a case of ‘all my friends parents let them do it’ in the worst way. But my mom’s gentle persistence and guidance…and sometimes downright anger… controlled me when I did go over the edge and start partying and getting into trouble… because I still maintained some responsibility, and quit almost as fast as I began.

I think when I was younger I prided myself on being the “bad kid.” Dad would shake his head because he couldn’t believe that what I did or what just came out of my mouth was from his kid. 🙂 Mom on the otherhand, told me once that I was the easiest to get angry at because I was the quickest of her children to forgive. I like that. NO I didn’t like getting yelled at… but now, my old age (haha), I’ve been empowered by that and an inability to hold a grudge. I am quick to forgive but I think it’s because I learnt from my mom because I know with the trouble I have been, Mom has always been quite forgiving. I needed that.

My mom has six children and we are all vastly different. I know about myself, and Mom knows too, that I need to figure things out on my own. It doesn’t matter how often she tells me to get a parking pass, I still need to get X number of tickets before giving in. It took two letters and not getting my tax return after Mom told me to deal with it, before I phoned BC Health to get coverage as a student. It took tough love and not trusting me anymore for me to recognize that I didn’t want the party lifestyle for myself. It took 4 days of agonizing and unbearable pain for me to finally go get kidney x-rays and ultrasounds, after Mom had told me to from the get go. I need to, my personality and who I am, figure things out solely on my own. It’s really nice knowing I have a mom who understands that…and lets it be so.

When I was 11, I got a nasty report card about how I treated two girls in my class (God’s forgiven me since… I was a callous, catty, popular grade 6er…) and dealt a LOT that year with girl “problems.” I remember the first thing Mom asked me whenever I would come home with a story or tears would be “Well Kate, what did you do?” That used to drive me crazy! Here I was crying and wanting her to hug me but Mom would always ask me what I did in order for me to take responsibility first. I appreciate that more than anyone could ever know. I am sure there are parents out there who take their kid’s side all the time, every time, but I am so thankful mine doesn’t. She plays for my team but she wouldn’t sideswipe my opponent, even if she thought they were wrong or mean first, she’d make sure I was or wasn’t an instigator first. At that age, I usually was… but now I am always questioning myself first. It’s good and I owe it to my Mom.

I gave my mom a card this morning that said something like “I love how you don’t have to ‘get me’ to love me.” I think a few years ago my Mom submitted to the fact that I was a rare breed and rather than let it confuse her, she decided to love me for it. I used to feel suffocated because the things Dad and Mom could get angry at me for never really made sense (some of them anyways!). Often, their anger would rest on things I came by naturally and innocently, simply because that’s who I am! I remember yelling that at them once “I HONESTLY DIDN’T KNOW… I don’t think like that!” Whether it be a blessing or a burden, I like telling my Dad “Like it or not, I am YOUR offspring. Some of this I got from you!” Whereas with mom, I know she loves me because of who I am. Nothing surprises her anymore, she’s a pillar of stability for me in my life. I need that. Someone like me needs that.

Since moving out and going to school, I see in my Mom the things many other people have known for years. In high school, I never cultivated a relationship with her simply because ‘I had no need for her.’ I was on a fast track to freedom and independence… who knew that the only independence and freedom I’ve found is one with a friendship with my parents, especially my mom, at the core.

So she cooks, cleans, takes gorgeous photos, feeds our friends when they come over, hosts amazing family get togethers and spoils her nieces and nephews rotten, threw a beautiful wedding for my sister, takes care of my Dad, loves phone calls from her friends and sisters, favours the Body Shop’s Satsuma scent, watches Little House on the Prairie, Hope and Faith, and Reba a little too often, looks pretty in the summertime with her stylishly bright tanktops and her dark Okanagan tanned skin, chauffeur’s the kids who can’t drive, loves Willow Tree Angels, cuddles Jayme at night, puts other people ahead of herself all the time, every time, supports us even if she doesn’t get it, keeps her head up when most people’s would’ve fallen down.

But for me, she’s my new friend, my dearest friend, who’s sage advice, experiences, love, kindness, forgiveness, laughter, sincereity, and vulnerability has given me not only the best type of friend but the best type of woman as an example for me to aspire to be.

I love you mom. You rock.


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perks of home

I always kind of know what to expect when it comes to four months at home. However, I forget sometimes that children grow up more in eight months than your average teenager or young adult. The child in question is my 9 year old sister. Jayme’s days start so early that I guess she gets lonely in those morning hours…so lonely that she took an empty shampoo bottle this morning and “blew” it in my face so I could “smell” it. Needless to say, I was very unimpressed…and confused why she felt she had to do that. She’s normally a bright kid but she seemed to miss the boat on this one. Maybe she just missed me.

We arrived uneventfully yesterday. Dad had a couple minor scares, he was pulling the UHaul trailer and I guess the weight of “my life” (my stuff, rather) was trying to get ahead of him in the Tahoe so it seemed to gain on him once in awhile…making for a very slow drive. But it was very, very nice to surrender my keys and say “peace out” to 12 Edgepark Villas, retirement community un-extraordinare, where the youngest person next to me and my roommate was probably 64. I am so so so SO glad it’s over. I can’t emphasize that enough.

Now I am home, back to my makeshift room in my parents downstairs den.. and I can’t wait for the summer to start. It was gorgeous today but Jayme and I are anticipating a thunderstorm (my favourite in the Okanagan). I have come down with a nasty cold and sore throat (thanks, Mark) and am very tired, so I am grateful I don’t start at the RDOS until Monday. It’s just been good to be home…when we got to Armstrong I was just thinking “HURRY UP!!” and see my mom. Dad left early this morn for Duncan.

The only trouble is fitting in again… the adjustment period can be tough but I think the older I get, the better at it I am. Funny how that goes!

The added stress of applications is getting to me… I just looked at my GPA…I can’t believe how low it is … I am genuinely fearful for what happens next. Genuinely. I just want to know why when you put SO much effort into something, didn’t hang out with friends hardly, and basically devoted 8 solid months to school, for there to be zip for reward.

In the words of my boyfriend, Michael Scofield, I guess I “just have to have faith.”

Cheers.