It’s time for another secret. In time, I feel I will reveal all that needs to be revealed. But today I just want to share a secret or two.
I got in trouble at work. And not a little bit of trouble, a lot of trouble. I work at a bank and sometimes, I think I don’t take it seriously enough. I am not allowed to discuss details with the general population outside of the bank, but for about four hours, my supervisor and I feared for our jobs. I made it through, cleaned up all the metaphorical “mess” and somehow found value in getting in trouble.
When I was in high school, I took kind of a weird route at the end of my grad year and into my year out of SSS. I think I spent every other night in trouble with my parents. At the time I though all I would take away from it would be a relationship with mom and dad that was severely clouded with mistrust. Instead, I think we just found a trust that never really existed in the first place… from BOTH ends.
I kept a friend’s secret; this got me in trouble once. I told a friend’s secret another time; this got me in trouble another time. Somehow I learnt that it’s difficult, and not up to MY discretion, on what to keep and what to tell. After a few confrontations, and a little fighting here and there, I found value in the fact that I have friends who are actually willing to tell me secrets. And more value in the friends willing to point out my faults. Who will forgive.
In grade five I got sent out in the hallway (my mom doesn’t even know). Those of you who know me know that this was the pinnacle of failure in my early childhood years. I remember it like yesterday. My teacher, Mr. H, asked me where all the other girls were. We had just finished PE so I said, matter of factly, “In the bathroom changing, what do you expect?” and then Bam! Kate get outside! So I hung my head and went. Wow, was I in trouble. Because I was a “first offender” Mr. H let it slide and accepted my apology. But I learnt in a split second that my teacher is to be respected. That was the only way I would want to be treated. Now, wanting to be a teacher, I seem to understand this even more.
Lately, I have been getting myself in trouble for little things. Jess and I had a conversation when I was visiting about “silent sins” and how if they aren’t exposed, they are no less worse than the most offensive, hurtful ones. I’ve realized that sarcasm, in it’s most simple form, is lying. And coming from the most sarcastic person, you can see why this is trouble. Also, God’s been telling me in 100 ways a day that I am not a good liar, period. That whatever I am thinking is displayed on my face, whether it is annoyance to clients at work or frustrated with roommates or people on the bus. Silent sins no longer? I’d say so. Might as well just keep getting in trouble.. seems to be easy, just ask for forgiveness.
It’s ponderings like this that remind me of something my dear friend Ken told me once years ago:
“It’s God’s Grace that people people remember all the time. If anything, we accept it with open arms. It’s Forgiveness that we have the tendency to forget, or misunderstand. Once something has been forgiven, we’ve recognized what we did wrong, humbled ourselves to God in admitance, and it should never happen again. Atleast, to the best of our ability.”
Want to know what I think is the coolest?
GOD LOVES US TOO MUCH TO LEAVE US THE SAME.
Isn’t that neat? He really desires us to see the potential in our experiences, from them maybe we can see greatest changes that need to be made. And so we learn from experience, we also can learn from eachother.
Your thoughts? Yes, please.