that perfect hand…

In Ocean's 11, Danny said that "the house always wins. If you play long enough, never change the stakes, then the house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet big… and then, you take the house." Here's the hand I've been dealt, sometimes it's risky and sometimes it's safe, but all the time… it's perfect. It's mine.


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moment of weakness

When I came to Calgary the first time, I was soooo excited about moving out, living in residence, and then starting school. But when we first rolled into “Cow-town” as people affectionately seem to call it, I cried. I cried and cried before I saw the school, I cried more when I saw it to a point that Dad and I checked into a hotel before actually moving in. All of a sudden, I didn’t know what to do, why I was doing this, where I was supposed to go… I was fully, completely, illusionarily (if that’s a word) unprepared. You know what my dad said?

“Well Kate, this just proves you can’t be a hero all the time. It’s ok.” and he was right. (I mean, he always is!)

So I have learnt to rather than just keep my head up and never admit to fear or instability, I might as well face it head on. Or share it. And that’s what I am doing… in the next 10 days, I have 4 major term papers due and I don’t have enough time to breathe, let alone prepare for them (and hand in something decent) and I can’t NOT work this month because I need to make rent. That and I have three finals and one more philosophy quiz (which seems to be worse than the finals). So to say I am stressed out might be an understatement, I even CRIED!

In other words, I covet your prayers (as always!!) in the next three weeks, because I am tryin’ to be a hero and I just can’t be this time, Dad!

xox


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diamonds in the rough

My mom talks a lot about seeing the “extraordinary in the ordinary” and I want to look at things in life like that. Kind of like diamonds in the rough, sometimes we have to search for these rare gems and find the beauty in things that may not appear to be. Or more importantly: Finding the extraordinary in the ordinary that someone else may over look. So I spent my drive home yesterday thinking of the things I find beautiful, that go past a sunset on the oceans surface or the snow on a Christmas morning:

~a hot bath after a long day
~skating so fast at night on the lake when all I can see is my breath from the cold and the starry sky
~Dave Matthews, Tom Petty, John Mayer, Bryan Adams, and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers
~Staying up super late, playing basketball in the parking lot, and wishing time would stand still
~driving with the ‘top down’ on the bug in the middle of the summer
~A good book
~Going into someone’s room and looking at everything on the walls… a self portrait without even meaning to be
~thunderstorms any natural phenomenon.
~the power of prayer
~Driving alone at night, for a long ways blasting Mark Perry (any Smithers residents soundtrack for life 😉
~Silver jewelry
~Chats with my sisters and mom
~Strawberry marshmallow candies and cream soda
~Spending time with my Dad.
~Dreams (and not sleepy dreams, but life-dreams…especially hearing other peoples)
~Long hair
~Living in residence, only 5 doors down from one of your new best friends
~Memories
~One Tree Hill, Ocean’s 11, Blood Diamond, and Prison Break
~Movie nights where I fall asleep and wake up to find everyone else doing the same
~Adrenaline rushes, risks, and forgetting who you are for a moment
~An unexpected phonecall from a dear friend
~Iced tea with peppermint
~The feeling that the song “Who Wouldn’t Wanna Be Me” by Keith Urban, reminds me of, and makes me want to feel.
~John 15:13
~The serious side.
~Writing
~Jumping on the trampoline with soap and water
~Playing first base
~Calgary’s skyline; Camrose’s simplicity; Prairie sunsets
~Independence; Innocence
~Barefoot
~Swimming at night
~When he looks at her “that way” and she keeps his secrets: observing from afar
~Smithers moments
~Smiling at someone who needs it
~Ken’s aunt’s cabin out in Kananaskis, and the moments along with it
~The smell outside after the rain
~Steak, medium rare
~The way anyone can always make me laugh
~Reliability and freedom
~Feeling to never forget such as: walking down the aisle at grad or when I saw Jayme for the first time
~Knowing who I can cry to; who to trust.
~Wishing on the stars
~My fleece blanket
~Family gatherings
~Talking to you—listening to you
~Wearing socks to bed then taking them off in the middle of the night.
~Crawling out my window in my old room in Smithers to lay on the grass when I couldn’t sleep
~How I never know your voice on the phone
~Wet hair
~Pictures, photo albums, yearbooks and old letters
~The gingerbread my mom makes
~Laying on a dock, counting shooting stars, at Tyhee Lake
~Seeing someone for the first time, after a long time
~Swiss Pride
~Arguing with someone even if you know you’re wrong
~My quicksilver toque
~Being deliriously happy
~Curb sitting
~Knowing that there will forever be something to come home for.

and most importantly,

~A feeling that nothing will ever be the same. For if it was the same, I wouldn’t grow. And because it changes, I have hope.

I know it’s long, and I am sorry for that, but it’s on my heart… so tell me, what do you find extraordinary? What are some of your diamonds in the rough?

xo your Kate


3 Comments

plans

Hey guys, just a head’s up: I am going to Camrose for the weekend to see Jes and Mark!! I would appreciate your prayers as the last time I was there I spent $200+ on car repairs and I can’t afford that (nor do I want to) again. So pray that I get through the 3 hour drive there and the 3 hours back (Sunday night) in tip top shape.

PS Ok, Michael Scofield (Wentworth Miller) is not my boyfriend, but I appreciate the trickery I pulled on people like Auntie Sylvia. Gives me the confidence that one day, he WILL be mine. Or someone just as fabulous. 🙂


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sunday

Guess WHAT?

Only one month and three weeks until I go home for the summer holidays. I know you’re extremely excited for me. I feel like these next few weeks are going to be nothing but work work work and somehow, it’s ok. Just knowing I am going home seems to keep the perma-smile on my face.

Now, for a little anechdote. I have two midterms on Tuesday. And a paper due. Tuesday. Yep. So it’s Sunday, and I decided to go to church and aprés, study and write my day away. Well, I was sitting at the kitchen table that’s in my room, doubling as a desk, and my eyes kept wandering towards the window. It’s Chinooking: it’s a gorgeous, beautiful, fantastic, warm day here in Calgary today, and I desperately would rather be playing catch with the guys (or tackle football, whatever is the option du jour) than be studying ethics or writing about Ocean’s 11 (my paper’s topic).

So, in typical Kate form (those of you who know me can attest to what happens next) I decided to pack up my books and go outside. I heard my roommate and boyfriend come into the house, so rather than go upstairs and have to make small talk (there for debilitating my focus on my studies) I decided to climb out the window. Yes. I climbed out the window. Probably the most unattractive thing (thankfully, I live in a gated retirement community). Once I climbed slash fell out the window, I realized my hoodie and sweats (which I ripped a huge hole in the process) might’ve been a little too much so I took them off, right in the middle of the yard (which is shared by the two other villas). I sat down, back to the fence, when I just felt the water seaping through my shorts. Only it wasn’t water, it was mud. Long story short, I folded my sweatpants to sit on and within 2 minutes they were soaked and, after bearing the discomfort for about 10 mins (wet rear; no sunglasses; wet notebook), I pondered and then went inside. I tried climbing through the window but my roomie saw me in HER window… so I used the back door instead.

I guess there is morale in a picnic table. But YAY for the Chinook. +

And for those of you concerned, I won’t know until next Monday if my boyfriend is incarcerated again. Stupid court and law.

Anyways, here’s my rally to show my support of my old home town…

Smithers made it into the Top 5! You have until March 16th to vote Smithers as Hockeyville:http://hockeyville.cbc.ca/Default.aspx?Language=en-C&Video=3&Bandwith=High


12 Comments

introducing..


My boyfriend. I have been debating for the last few weeks whether I should show you guys my new man, as he is currently running from the law since breaking out of prison last spring. We rendezvous when he can but he stays in hiding most of the time. Him and his brother are innocent of their crimes, and last week when I saw him, the president was going to set them free. This would’ve been wonderful because I could have brought him home for the summer or to Camrose next weekend, but it turns out, the president did not follow through on her promise.

So I just wait. It’s very agonizing, as I don’t know when I will see him next. He sneaks around, leaving me origami cranes on my pillow and the seat of my car to let me know he’s near by. I just hope this is all over soon so I can take him to meet my mom and start planning our wedding.

Here he is, Michael Scofield. Isn’t he beautiful? I mean, I am a little biased but I think you would all agree.


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grace under… pressure?

It’s time for another secret. In time, I feel I will reveal all that needs to be revealed. But today I just want to share a secret or two.

I got in trouble at work. And not a little bit of trouble, a lot of trouble. I work at a bank and sometimes, I think I don’t take it seriously enough. I am not allowed to discuss details with the general population outside of the bank, but for about four hours, my supervisor and I feared for our jobs. I made it through, cleaned up all the metaphorical “mess” and somehow found value in getting in trouble.

When I was in high school, I took kind of a weird route at the end of my grad year and into my year out of SSS. I think I spent every other night in trouble with my parents. At the time I though all I would take away from it would be a relationship with mom and dad that was severely clouded with mistrust. Instead, I think we just found a trust that never really existed in the first place… from BOTH ends.

I kept a friend’s secret; this got me in trouble once. I told a friend’s secret another time; this got me in trouble another time. Somehow I learnt that it’s difficult, and not up to MY discretion, on what to keep and what to tell. After a few confrontations, and a little fighting here and there, I found value in the fact that I have friends who are actually willing to tell me secrets. And more value in the friends willing to point out my faults. Who will forgive.

In grade five I got sent out in the hallway (my mom doesn’t even know). Those of you who know me know that this was the pinnacle of failure in my early childhood years. I remember it like yesterday. My teacher, Mr. H, asked me where all the other girls were. We had just finished PE so I said, matter of factly, “In the bathroom changing, what do you expect?” and then Bam! Kate get outside! So I hung my head and went. Wow, was I in trouble. Because I was a “first offender” Mr. H let it slide and accepted my apology. But I learnt in a split second that my teacher is to be respected. That was the only way I would want to be treated. Now, wanting to be a teacher, I seem to understand this even more.

Lately, I have been getting myself in trouble for little things. Jess and I had a conversation when I was visiting about “silent sins” and how if they aren’t exposed, they are no less worse than the most offensive, hurtful ones. I’ve realized that sarcasm, in it’s most simple form, is lying. And coming from the most sarcastic person, you can see why this is trouble. Also, God’s been telling me in 100 ways a day that I am not a good liar, period. That whatever I am thinking is displayed on my face, whether it is annoyance to clients at work or frustrated with roommates or people on the bus. Silent sins no longer? I’d say so. Might as well just keep getting in trouble.. seems to be easy, just ask for forgiveness.

It’s ponderings like this that remind me of something my dear friend Ken told me once years ago:

“It’s God’s Grace that people people remember all the time. If anything, we accept it with open arms. It’s Forgiveness that we have the tendency to forget, or misunderstand. Once something has been forgiven, we’ve recognized what we did wrong, humbled ourselves to God in admitance, and it should never happen again. Atleast, to the best of our ability.”

I know this generalization isn’t true for everyone… but I do find these words real to me; for me.
Live and learn? Or something like that.

Want to know what I think is the coolest?

GOD LOVES US TOO MUCH TO LEAVE US THE SAME.

Isn’t that neat? He really desires us to see the potential in our experiences, from them maybe we can see greatest changes that need to be made. And so we learn from experience, we also can learn from eachother.

Your thoughts? Yes, please.


2 Comments

retry

Okay, I am going to try this question again… Nicole Kidman asked Russell Crowe in an interview before the Oscars, a very pointed question… and since I am really interested to know your responses, please let me know:

What would you rather: To LOVE or to BE LOVED?

Or more specifically:

What are you better at: LOVING or BEING LOVED?


1 Comment

rant

People who know me best know that I have one pet peeve: Cold Toast. Yep. That’s it…so now you know.

UNTIL NOW!!!!

I just spent 10:00am – 6:00pm at the U of C library studying for my contemporary poetry midterm. Now, this test was supposed to happen the Thursday BEFORE reading break (so on February 15Th) but due to “poor road conditions” (seriously, that was my professor’s reason), she postponed it until tomorrow. That’s all well and good. So I got to study over the break a bit and a ton this week and of course, today. YEA RIGHT. She switched it to NEXT Thursday now!!!

Not only am I prepared for an exam I am now not writing for a week, but it throws off my ENTIRE schedule. Next week was preparing for my nature of religion test and getting my essay done. YEA RIGHT. The worse part is, we’ve been in this course ALL YEAR (since September) and being a third year student, I think it is ludicrous to keep postponing a test on account of people not being prepared… we’ve known for SIX MONTHS.

Although, I am guessing God’s given me a blessing in disguise because I didn’t do well on my midterm yesterday. Alas, I will study tonight anyways.

And consider yourselves some of the elite few as now you know ALL of my pet peeves.

Cheers!