So tell me all your dreams Tell me all your fears and what you’re longing for the most It’s not another way That’ll end up the same for it’s under my control
Another loveless Valentine’s Day past. Although, my Dad seems to be willing to fill the role as long as need be… and that suits me just fine. He called me while I was at work and I figure, if my pops has to substitute for awhile, I think I am still the luckiest girl in the world.
In light of the festivities, I started contemplating a couple things. A friend of a friend mentioned today that the love surrounding this holiday doesn’t necessarily have to mean romantic love. It can be compassion or caring; respect or admiration; seflessness or understanding. What a wonderful way of looking at it. And from someone who isn’t romantically involved, it reminded me of the importance of love… whether it be from someone or for. Or loving myself. And most importantly, it reminded me of the greatest love of all.
(and here it gets real…)
This year I’ve spent a lot of time alone. It’s a new concept for me, and has in turn been a big adjustment. With friends moving away and housing situations…and a busy schedule of work and school, I could attribute it to not having any time. But I don’t. Reality is that I needed this year for my relationship with the one true Lover, Jesus. The more time I’ve spent getting to know Him and seeking His will for my life, the more I’ve gotten to know my true knight in shining armour. It’s been really hard sometimes. It’s kind of funny, how once you are willing to give yourself to someone else, the truths you may have believed and your tendencies that have always been affirmed, suddenly become stripped away and the person you are handing yourself to is suddenly left with a very real you. I’ve needed this, and I have gotten it from God. I feel like I’ve been exposed in the last six months and as terrifying it has been to uncover my hidden sins and faults I pretend aren’t there… it’s been the most healthy thing for my world. And in doing so, I’ve sat at Jesus’ feet with an open heart… ready for anything. And I truly believe, the deeper I know Christ, the deeper He knows me and the desires I have. The cool thing is that I know now I have to be honest with God and let Him renovate this “Kate” I’ve known forever… before my heart will be ready for anyone else to come into my life.
And for now, and forever, if my desires for a guy with a flower may never be in God’s perfect will for my life, I will be satisfied with His love for me. My perfect Valentine.
Though everything’s the same inside There’s something real A faith which causes me to change But what’s different now A spark is gleaming in my eye Like diamond stars that fill the sky I think a smile says it all
A smile says it all