that perfect hand…

In Ocean's 11, Danny said that "the house always wins. If you play long enough, never change the stakes, then the house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet big… and then, you take the house." Here's the hand I've been dealt, sometimes it's risky and sometimes it's safe, but all the time… it's perfect. It's mine.


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the list

We got a letter in the mail where some friends of the family gave a top ten list of happenings this past year. I thought it might be a cool way to muse about the last 12 months and as the year draws to a close, remember the things I am most thankful for. Please disregard how completely random it might be.

10.
An A+. Believe it or not, I got my first A+ in post secondary last spring. That’s pretty huge for me, it was in my Literacy in Education course and it raised my gpa a couple notches.
9.
May found me in Smithers for a few days, for my cousin, Megan, and Steve’s wedding. It was a beautiful weekend full of fellowship and fun and only the types of memories to last a lifetime. Only made more special in the last few months as I have found a deep love and appreciation for these two, as family, but mainly, as friends.
8.
This summer I went back to Penticton, in the hopes of saving enough money to attend university back east for the fall, and I got a job working for the Regional District of the Okanagan. It was fulfilling on two accounts: I learnt a ton (government stuff) and I made some friends that helped the summer pass nicely. Also the visit from Carla, Rae, and Brandon for Peach Fest was fantastic too.
7.
Mid July, I went to Drumheller for my birthday. I have an intense connection to that place as the majority of my friends I’ve made in Calgary are from there so the weekend I stayed at Dori’s and just visited and enjoyed the intense Albertan heat… I guess that’s how it is when there’s no mountains to shield you!
6.
Jes and Mark got married! July 22 in Camrose, 30 degrees and rising, my oldest sister got married. I had the honour of being the maid of honour (haha) and the whole week before and day of was perfect. Aside from the fact that Jes looked positively radiant and Mark has captivated all of our hearts as a new part of the family that now only he can fill…all of our family from Smithers, with the addition of close family friends, made it absolutely amazing… another memory for life.
5.
Eastern schooling didn’t work financially, so I transferred to the University of Calgary for this fall. It has been challenging, fascinating, and downright intense. I also started working at ATB Financial again so I barely get to sleep.
4.
Health wise, this year was odd. In September, I got my wisdom teeth pulled a week after I was back in Calgary… and then in about a period of a month and a half, I had a very, very painful bout of kidney stones and possibly an intestine virus. The doctors weren’t too sure… but when dad had kidney stones about a month later (go figure!) I assumed that it’s what I had. I don’t wish it on anyone. And I was on painkillers I think for avout 2.5 months?
3.
I have had a total of of four visits with Jocelyn (back and forth, me to Vic, her to Calg), one from Paul, two from Ken.. in the last 8 months. I enjoyed the visit to Victoria immensely as it afforded me to see Nadina, Suzanne, Jess, Sue… and a whole bunch of family. It’s moments like these that remind me I am the luckiest girl alive to have friends as these. And blessed as I hope 2007 will afford many more.
2.
I have applied to school in Lethbridge, St. Catharine’s (Ontario), and Victoria for fall 2007. I pray for God’s direction on this as I know in my heart that it is time to move on. So who knows what will result from this… but whatever it is, I will be content.
1.
A Christmas in Smithers hasn’t happened yet, but it is proving to be the most important: as celebrating the season with the whole family, nothing seems to compare.
Here’s to your Christmas. I hope it is filled with sentiment and laughter; hope and anticipation; and the fondest of memories to last a lifetime.
xox your Kate
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7 hours

I am just going to “pat my own back” or “toot my own horn”… and say that Megan and I just spent a total of 7 hours, minus ONE (only one) coffee break at the U of C library studying. It’s too bad when you don’t think you’re actually internalizing anything… but that’s a LONG time. Go us!

馃檪


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the mood

o路ver路whelm tr.v. o路ver路whelmed, o路ver路whelm路ing, o路ver路whelms
a. To surge over and submerge; engulf: waves overwhelming the rocky shoreline.
b. To defeat completely and decisively: Our team overwhelmed the visitors by 40 points.
c. To affect deeply in mind or emotion: Despair overwhelmed me.
d. To present with an excessive amount: He overwhelmed me with all the flowers.
e. To turn over; upset: The small craft was overwhelmed by the enormous waves.
f. To suffocate; confuse: He overwhelmed with his words.

This is the theme of the day. In many, many ways. Above all else, after everything the past two weeks, I am overcome with excitement to go home.


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afterthought

That entry does by NO MEANS imply these two things:

A.That I dislike you because YOU like to shop.

B. That I would ever, willingly steal from Paul Brandt. I just wish he had been there tonight. And I would obviously buy him and his wife something unreal, like a tshirt from the sweet store that I just love in the mall.

It’s a vicious circle I swear.


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shopping

Sometimes I feel an urge to let people acknowledge some inner part of my soul. Like right now. I would just like this known, on the record, that I loathe shopping. Especially at Chinook Centre, on a Sunday afternoon, amidst the craziness of Christmas hu-bub. Truthfully, the sight of all the babies (I swear, Moms bring them out at this time of year specifically…) or the kids lined up in anticipation of sitting on Santa’s knee does not, I repeat, does not make the event any more enjoyable. The fear that you will run into that guy from your past or english 354 class is always looming in the sweat and chocolate smell, a compilation of scents from the huge amount of RUSHING Calgarians and the Cookies by George stand. And to top that all off, do you ever even find what you are looking for? I swear, I should just hold off on that Christmas gift idea until the middle of January, where I can grab an Orange Julius and wear my flipflops and leave the cellphone in the car… but then I would rather be bowling or shooting hoops or hanging out in residence like old times.

My thought strayed there for a second, sorry, it is just that my excuses for not going Christmas shopping are wearing thin and I am justifying why people might be recieving gifts in July or something. Because I HATE SHOPPING.

Want to know a secret though? I do enjoy it sometimes… when it means retail therapy, Chapters, American Eagle, a MAC store, and a credit card I found on the road. That belongs to Paul Brandt. Who I sadly did not see at Centre Street tonight.

This entry is what people in english call “stream of consciousness”… just a mass production of jargon. And the picture is just self explanatory… well, it’s cute.

Touch茅!


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wisdom

Hey guys, this stuff isn’t original, it’s from my favourite show. And it’s so cool because it’s from that show. Plus I am up to my neck in exams and all that fun stuff, so I am copywriting my blog!Is that wrong?!

“There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment, you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on path? Will others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be haunted by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or simply give up. Will you let down your defenses, and find solace in someone unexpected? Will you reach out? Will you face your greatest fear bravely? And move forward with faith. Or will you succumb to the darkness in your soul?

Life comes at us from out of the darkness. And at times we can struggle to find the courage to face it. When it comes, rushing at you, who will you choose to face it with? Will it be someone you trust? Will they be wise? And will their love for you help them to guide you to the light? Or will they lose their way in the darkness? Will they make noble choices? Or will that person be someone untested, someone new? Is there someone in your life you can count on? Someone who will watch over you when you stumble and fall? And in that moment, give you the strength to face your fears alone?

Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger like when you let down a friend. Some of us escape the pain of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret because we’re looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past, and sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change your own ways. But, our biggest regrets are not for the things we did — but, for the things we didn’t do. Things we didn’t say that could’ve save someone that we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that’s headed their way.”

Yay! Only two tests and NO papers to go!

And P.S. feel free to comment… I love people’s thoughts on my thoughts, or stolen truths. 馃檪 I’m out!


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i dare you

Ernest William Henley said something that caught my attention, something that made me begin to think. This isn鈥檛 as a result of it being emotionally charged and filled with deeper meanings. Mainly, it鈥檚 because I want to know if it鈥檚 actually true.
He said this, in the last two lines of the poem called Invictus: 鈥淚 am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.鈥
Am I really? Do I really have control over my fate; my soul? Is everything that happens in my life contingent on the fate I鈥檝e created as a result of the soul that I have crafted? By twenty-one, I was supposed to have it all figured out. I was supposed to be best friends with my siblings and parents. I planned to be in love. I planned to be invincible.

I don’t think so. I never mapped out a future that took so many stops along the way. In fact, when I go on road trips, I want to get to where I am going as fast as I can, hardly enjoying any of the scenery along the way. So when looking at my life, in relation to what I鈥檝e done, where I鈥檝e been and where I鈥檓 going, I don鈥檛 really how it happened.

If I am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul, then I am not very good at it. If this is where I am, because of who I have been, then Henley would say I have no one to blame but myself. I don鈥檛 believe this to be true, that I am in totally control. It is my duty to my fate and soul to do the best job to figure out who I am intended to be. I need to learn what drives me to take the actions I do, in order to achieve a deep and meaningful likeness for who I will become, the journey I will take, and what I will reap from it as I go.

My parents raised us in a solid Christian based home. From very early on, we鈥檇 go to church on Sunday and pray for every meal. But more than that, we were taught how much we needed God in our lives. A direction, a path, led not by my own eyes but by the footprints Christ set before me. Morals, values, and proper actions stemmed from this. However, I never found Christianity for myself. I never claimed God or faith because I didn鈥檛 know what it meant and I chose not to. I had confirmation of my life and direction from adults I respected, coaches, employers who showed me what they knew and helped me. But ultimately, I had no one question me and no standards I was challenged to meet. Quite honestly, I had met and gone beyond the ones I was required to meet. I had it figured out.

And I hated it.

God got my attention, really and truly, for the first time in my life. It felt good knowing that through all the obstacles or misunderstandings life throws my way, God gives me no more than I can handle but neither does he expect for me to handle it alone. And now I know my life is directed by someone I believe who sends me challenges and difficulties in order for me to work to deserve his love and be worthy of him stepping in to captain my soul. No matter how big or small of part we contribute, we can鈥檛 do it on our very own. Our fate lies in our hands only as far as we can throw the 鈥渂all鈥. Sometimes, it can be nothing we can handle, such as some medical conditions. I wonder if Henley took into account cancer patients, women who miscarry babies or give birth to stillborns, or those in accidents.

The key point here is this: as much as I don鈥檛 believe that I am not the master of my fate, I do believe I have a say in it. We have to embrace what happens to us in order for it not to be the same in the future. What takes place are constant learning curves that are thrown here to test how we learn from them; how to embrace what is to come. My dad told me once “if you never set yourself up for anything, you will never be disappointed.” Be mindful of the fact that you never know what is going to happen. To be prepared for whatever may come. I believe that this is the only way that I can be in control of my fate and soul, by being ready for anything.
As I am sure now, my life has nowhere near turned out the way I had it 鈥減lanned鈥. I鈥檝e been to what seems like the moon and back on this trip to the ending means of my fate; to discovering the true capabilities of my soul.

I think anyone who will take it upon themselves to do all that they can to bind their souls to their fate in a way that the two together, interconnected, to guide their lives and to ensure that whatever the journey is, they truly live it, then this is truly being a master and captain of both. To have shattered prides and be vulnerable to the fact that there is so much to learn. No life is a closed book until it ends. But even then, everyone leaves behind a legacy which is to ultimately be admired and I yearn for the potential in that. The human is a most unique and interesting thing, the trick is to be fascinated by your self. It is only then that mastering a fate can be less cruel and captaining a soul is a constant trek to figuring out truly what it is for me.

Here鈥檚 my fate, here鈥檚 what contributes to my soul. The unknown. Life is not a problem to be solved but an adventure to be lived. I am not, nor will I ever be, as Henley put it so eloquently, the master of my fate; the captain of my soul. I am not in the driver seat of my life, but rather incorporating every part of what is around me and what will happen in the journey. I am fine tuning the unwritten song for my future. One with a fate I trust because my soul is so easily empowered by what is to come.

That’s it… for now.