resignation

I’ve decided I am resigning to the things in the world that I have absolutely NO control over:

-the weather. why complain about it if it doesn’t change it?

-the size of my head. might as well adjust the hat since i can’t adjust the head.

-what other people say. i am constantly shocked by what other people say. why? i shouldn’t actually be surprised when i am not making them say it (or not making).

-my character. i can refine it or tweak it or discover it, but i can’t really change it so i might as well forget it.

-my job. i keep forgetting that i have to do as i am told. period.

-hoards of tourists. they are what and who they are. i can control my reactions to them, particularly this weekend — the elvis festival. oh, it’s that bad.

-living at home for four months. i can’t decide what’s important to my mom so i might as well go with it.

-change. it happens.

-the taste of cilantro. i try desperately to love it but really, i can’t force my tongue to enjoy it.

-routine. it creeps up on you and it’s only noticeable when something has gone awry.

-family dynamics. i swear it’s not my fault.

-priorities of others. i need patience to remember that though I am my first priority, doesn’t mean I am theirs.

-how books take me elsewhere. it’s not in my power to put a book down 3 hours later and be cognizant of what went on around me in the meantime.

-the way somethings make me feel. like seeing Paul yesterday for the first time since this time last year and the year before that, i can’t help that he’s my dearest friend that i love and hate the most in my world. i try but he makes me happy and angry. i can’t control it.

-i’ve read 5 jodi picoult novels in the last 10 days. i swore i would never read her, but now that i have i’ve lost all recollection of why i said that in the first place.

-coffee loving. did you know that it’s impossible to lose your first love?

-my heart. it didn’t come with an instruction manual.